| 00:00:02 |
00:00:04 |
(gentle music) |
| 00:00:06 |
00:00:08 |
(somber music) |
| 00:00:08 |
00:00:11 |
>> You know, but I always
try to do things my way. |
| 00:00:11 |
00:00:14 |
I tried to do it without God's help. |
| 00:00:14 |
00:00:16 |
I thought I could do it on my own, |
| 00:00:16 |
00:00:19 |
but it seems like every time
I took one step forward, |
| 00:00:19 |
00:00:22 |
I would trip and end up
taking two steps back. |
| 00:00:22 |
00:00:24 |
But I was still determined that I was |
| 00:00:24 |
00:00:26 |
gon' to do this thing my way. |
| 00:00:26 |
00:00:28 |
You see, because I wanted
my part of this thing |
| 00:00:28 |
00:00:31 |
that they call the American dream. |
| 00:00:31 |
00:00:32 |
You know what I'm talking about? |
| 00:00:32 |
00:00:35 |
I'm talking about the
cars, the clothes, |
| 00:00:35 |
00:00:38 |
the house, or the bling and
everything that went with it. |
| 00:00:38 |
00:00:40 |
And I was gonna do it. |
| 00:00:40 |
00:00:42 |
And I was gonna scratch my way up, |
| 00:00:42 |
00:00:45 |
even if I had to do it
with my own bare hands. |
| 00:00:45 |
00:00:47 |
But every time I tried, |
| 00:00:47 |
00:00:49 |
it seemed like these same two hands |
| 00:00:49 |
00:00:51 |
would end up back in handcuffs. |
| 00:00:51 |
00:00:53 |
And I would be back in
the Cook County jail in |
| 00:00:53 |
00:00:57 |
Chicago on my knees
and crying out to God, |
| 00:00:57 |
00:01:01 |
asking him to deliver me yet again. |
| 00:01:02 |
00:01:04 |
(upbeat music) |
| 00:01:16 |
00:01:19 |
I always knew I was gon' be a
preacher when I was a little child, |
| 00:01:19 |
00:01:21 |
I think, nine, 10 years old. |
| 00:01:21 |
00:01:29 |
I had my own church in my
mother's kitchen and my brother, |
| 00:01:29 |
00:01:31 |
my little brother and my dog, Rex, |
| 00:01:31 |
00:01:33 |
they were my two church members. |
| 00:01:33 |
00:01:37 |
My brother wasn't all
that happy about it. |
| 00:01:37 |
00:01:38 |
He wanted to go outside and play, |
| 00:01:38 |
00:01:41 |
but I was bigger than
him. So I threatened him. |
| 00:01:41 |
00:01:42 |
He had to sit there and listen to me |
| 00:01:42 |
00:01:44 |
preach all the time every week. |
| 00:01:44 |
00:01:47 |
But then what happened was, |
| 00:01:47 |
00:01:49 |
I know that when I was
about 16 years old, |
| 00:01:49 |
00:01:53 |
I went home from school. |
| 00:01:53 |
00:01:56 |
And I remember that even
when I was younger, |
| 00:01:56 |
00:01:59 |
I told my mother that I was
gon' be a preacher and she |
| 00:01:59 |
00:02:01 |
told me that I couldn't
just decide that I |
| 00:02:01 |
00:02:02 |
was gonna be a preacher. |
| 00:02:02 |
00:02:05 |
She told me that God had to call me. |
| 00:02:05 |
00:02:08 |
And so for the next few days, |
| 00:02:08 |
00:02:10 |
I sat around the phone
waiting for God to call. |
| 00:02:10 |
00:02:13 |
But when I was 16 years old, |
| 00:02:13 |
00:02:16 |
I remember I was on my way
home from school and on |
| 00:02:16 |
00:02:18 |
the bus and I kind of was |
| 00:02:18 |
00:02:21 |
sitting there kind of
dozing or whatever. |
| 00:02:21 |
00:02:23 |
But I remember I just saw |
| 00:02:23 |
00:02:26 |
myself preaching and
preaching and preaching, |
| 00:02:26 |
00:02:27 |
and it felt different that time. |
| 00:02:27 |
00:02:29 |
And I was thinking that that was |
| 00:02:29 |
00:02:31 |
God really calling me at that time. |
| 00:02:31 |
00:02:35 |
And I talked with my
father who was a preacher. |
| 00:02:35 |
00:02:37 |
I talked to my pastor
and I talked with |
| 00:02:37 |
00:02:39 |
my aunt who was also a preacher. |
| 00:02:39 |
00:02:43 |
And then that was when I decided, |
| 00:02:43 |
00:02:44 |
and we all decided |
| 00:02:44 |
00:02:49 |
that I should have go ahead on
and preach my trial sermon. |
| 00:02:49 |
00:02:53 |
I left the church because I
was kind of disillusioned. |
| 00:02:53 |
00:02:57 |
I was… I had a different opinion or |
| 00:02:57 |
00:03:00 |
a set opinion of how I thought
a preacher was supposed to be |
| 00:03:00 |
00:03:04 |
and how church members was
supposed to be and how church |
| 00:03:04 |
00:03:10 |
itself was supposed to be
and I wasn't seeing that. |
| 00:03:10 |
00:03:12 |
In my opinion, the preachers |
| 00:03:12 |
00:03:15 |
weren't as Holy as I
thought they should |
| 00:03:15 |
00:03:17 |
be and a lot of the
church members were not |
| 00:03:17 |
00:03:20 |
acting as Holy as I
thought they should be. |
| 00:03:20 |
00:03:23 |
I guess I was looking for |
| 00:03:23 |
00:03:25 |
the perfect preacher or |
| 00:03:25 |
00:03:28 |
the perfect church number
or the perfect church. |
| 00:03:28 |
00:03:30 |
I went from one denomination to |
| 00:03:30 |
00:03:34 |
another thinking that one might
be better than the other, |
| 00:03:34 |
00:03:38 |
but I found out later on that
there is no such thing as |
| 00:03:38 |
00:03:42 |
a perfect preacher or a perfect
church or perfect anything else. |
| 00:03:42 |
00:03:44 |
There was only one perfect
person in the world that was |
| 00:03:44 |
00:03:48 |
Jesus and so the illusion
that I had in my head, |
| 00:03:48 |
00:03:51 |
that there just isn't any. |
| 00:03:51 |
00:03:56 |
And so, but I discovered
that afterwards, |
| 00:03:56 |
00:04:00 |
after I had already left the church
was that we were all flawed. |
| 00:04:00 |
00:04:02 |
I was 20 years old, |
| 00:04:02 |
00:04:03 |
it was shortly after
I left the church, |
| 00:04:03 |
00:04:06 |
I started drinking
and started smoking |
| 00:04:06 |
00:04:09 |
marijuana with some of my friends. |
| 00:04:09 |
00:04:14 |
I was dropping a few
pills from time to time, |
| 00:04:14 |
00:04:18 |
reds, trees and that kind of thing. |
| 00:04:18 |
00:04:23 |
And then one time a friend of
mine came by with some drugs, |
| 00:04:23 |
00:04:25 |
it was the street name of Duji. |
| 00:04:25 |
00:04:29 |
I didn't know what at the time,
but Duji was really heroin. |
| 00:04:29 |
00:04:31 |
Several friends came by and it was on |
| 00:04:31 |
00:04:36 |
a Friday evening and they
had the Duji or heroin, |
| 00:04:36 |
00:04:40 |
but they also had some
other drug paraphernalia. |
| 00:04:40 |
00:04:45 |
They had needles and
makeshift syringes was, |
| 00:04:45 |
00:04:48 |
and they were getting
everything together. |
| 00:04:48 |
00:04:50 |
And I asked what was going on, |
| 00:04:50 |
00:04:52 |
and he said, well, we're
going to shoot at this time. |
| 00:04:52 |
00:04:55 |
I told him, well, just put
mine a little bit over |
| 00:04:55 |
00:04:57 |
there for me and I'll snort mine. |
| 00:04:57 |
00:05:00 |
But then, my friend said, |
| 00:05:00 |
00:05:01 |
“No, you don't understand, |
| 00:05:01 |
00:05:04 |
we shooting ours and you're
going to shoot yours too.” |
| 00:05:04 |
00:05:08 |
And I didn't
realize it at the time, |
| 00:05:08 |
00:05:10 |
but BB and Ronnie had
come up behind me. |
| 00:05:10 |
00:05:13 |
And then they grabbed me
and was holding me down. |
| 00:05:13 |
00:05:16 |
When my friend Tadpole was
coming toward me with the, |
| 00:05:16 |
00:05:20 |
with the needle and
the makeshift syringe. |
| 00:05:20 |
00:05:23 |
And he said, I remember
him saying, “sorry Bub, |
| 00:05:23 |
00:05:25 |
but I know that this is
the only way I could get |
| 00:05:25 |
00:05:27 |
you to try it.” And by the way, |
| 00:05:27 |
00:05:29 |
that was my nickname
at the time, Bub. |
| 00:05:29 |
00:05:35 |
And so when Tadpole started
sticking a needle in my arm, |
| 00:05:35 |
00:05:38 |
I was struggling and resistant
and they said, “Hey man, |
| 00:05:38 |
00:05:40 |
you need to quit struggling, |
| 00:05:40 |
00:05:42 |
that needle’s going to
break in your arm.” |
| 00:05:42 |
00:05:45 |
And so I quit struggling, I just stopped. |
| 00:05:45 |
00:05:48 |
And I was thinking to
myself that, okay, when, |
| 00:05:48 |
00:05:49 |
when this is over with, |
| 00:05:49 |
00:05:50 |
I'm going to get my, |
| 00:05:50 |
00:05:53 |
my gun and I'm gonna
shoot all three of them. |
| 00:05:53 |
00:05:58 |
But then when the heroin started
going through my system, |
| 00:05:58 |
00:05:59 |
it was a feeling of euphoria, |
| 00:05:59 |
00:06:02 |
a feeling that I'd never felt before. |
| 00:06:02 |
00:06:06 |
And that was the
beginning of drug use. |
| 00:06:06 |
00:06:08 |
On hard drugs anyway. |
| 00:06:10 |
00:06:16 |
It was a feeling I'd
never had before. |
| 00:06:16 |
00:06:20 |
Heroin has you kind of mellowed out. |
| 00:06:20 |
00:06:24 |
You are just laid back and relaxed |
| 00:06:24 |
00:06:28 |
and it seems like nothing in
the world is going on matters. |
| 00:06:28 |
00:06:31 |
If you’re listening to music, |
| 00:06:31 |
00:06:35 |
like I was always listening to jazz, |
| 00:06:35 |
00:06:37 |
the music sounded better. |
| 00:06:37 |
00:06:42 |
The saxophone that was being
played, it sounded better. |
| 00:06:42 |
00:06:45 |
The piano, whatever. All
the music was just great. |
| 00:06:45 |
00:06:47 |
You hear it differently when you were |
| 00:06:47 |
00:06:51 |
high and you just mellowed out. |
| 00:06:51 |
00:06:55 |
It was unlike any other drugs
that I had ever, ever had. |
| 00:06:55 |
00:06:58 |
Cocaine was like I said,
it's the opposite. |
| 00:06:58 |
00:07:01 |
Once you, when you finish
shooting some cocaine, |
| 00:07:01 |
00:07:06 |
you want to go back and
get some more, right then. |
| 00:07:06 |
00:07:07 |
A lot sometimes when, |
| 00:07:07 |
00:07:09 |
when I even the first
time that I shot |
| 00:07:09 |
00:07:14 |
some cocaine for all the
needle was still in my arm, |
| 00:07:14 |
00:07:17 |
I used my other hand |
| 00:07:17 |
00:07:20 |
to reached in my pocket to see
how much money I had left, |
| 00:07:20 |
00:07:22 |
so I can go back and get some more. |
| 00:07:22 |
00:07:26 |
But that's the effect and the
difference that cocaine has, |
| 00:07:26 |
00:07:28 |
it's an instant, high, |
| 00:07:28 |
00:07:32 |
it's a high that you
really like feeling, |
| 00:07:32 |
00:07:36 |
but you want to go back and
get some more right away. |
| 00:07:36 |
00:07:39 |
And then again and again,
and that's why people, |
| 00:07:39 |
00:07:42 |
some people will be on
binges where they do |
| 00:07:42 |
00:07:45 |
cocaine three or four days in a row, |
| 00:07:45 |
00:07:47 |
just getting high all day and |
| 00:07:47 |
00:07:51 |
all night for several
days and several nights. |
| 00:07:51 |
00:07:56 |
I shot both. I started
off snorting heroin, |
| 00:07:56 |
00:07:59 |
and then I went to shooting heroin. |
| 00:07:59 |
00:08:02 |
And then when I started on cocaine, |
| 00:08:02 |
00:08:07 |
I started, well, I
started shooting cocaine. |
| 00:08:07 |
00:08:09 |
That was when I was
really into my drugs. |
| 00:08:09 |
00:08:12 |
I remember back earlier when
I was back in the service, |
| 00:08:12 |
00:08:16 |
when I was back in the service, |
| 00:08:16 |
00:08:18 |
I was snorting cocaine then. |
| 00:08:18 |
00:08:22 |
But then when I started into |
| 00:08:22 |
00:08:25 |
my heavy addiction and
I was shooting cocaine, |
| 00:08:25 |
00:08:28 |
matter of fact, some people even
do what they call speed balling. |
| 00:08:28 |
00:08:30 |
They mixed the whole cocaine
and heroin together, |
| 00:08:30 |
00:08:32 |
and they shoot it
together because it gives |
| 00:08:32 |
00:08:36 |
them the combined effect. |
| 00:08:36 |
00:08:40 |
And that was one thing that I
really loved to do was speed ball, |
| 00:08:40 |
00:08:42 |
shooting the heroin
and cocaine together. |
| 00:08:43 |
00:08:46 |
(jazz music plays) |
| 00:08:47 |
00:08:48 |
>> After thinking back on things, |
| 00:08:48 |
00:08:52 |
there was an emptiness there that
I didn't realize at the time, |
| 00:08:52 |
00:08:54 |
but there was an emptiness, I guess, |
| 00:08:54 |
00:08:57 |
an emptiness or a void
that I was trying to fill. |
| 00:08:57 |
00:09:01 |
But mostly what I think was, |
| 00:09:01 |
00:09:03 |
I was always chasing something. |
| 00:09:03 |
00:09:05 |
I don't know what it was. |
| 00:09:05 |
00:09:07 |
A lot of addicts love chasing |
| 00:09:07 |
00:09:10 |
something and they
don't know what it is. |
| 00:09:10 |
00:09:14 |
And the best way to describe
it is when I was in prison. |
| 00:09:14 |
00:09:20 |
I had a recurring dream and
that dream and in that dream, |
| 00:09:20 |
00:09:24 |
I would be just about
to shoot some drugs, |
| 00:09:24 |
00:09:26 |
heroin, or cocaine or both. |
| 00:09:26 |
00:09:29 |
And I have the tie
or belt or whatever, |
| 00:09:29 |
00:09:33 |
tied around my arm and I
was just about to stick |
| 00:09:33 |
00:09:34 |
the needle into my arm and I would |
| 00:09:34 |
00:09:37 |
wake up and this happened again, |
| 00:09:37 |
00:09:38 |
and again, and again, |
| 00:09:38 |
00:09:40 |
night after night, you know, |
| 00:09:40 |
00:09:42 |
two or three, sometimes two
or three nights a week. |
| 00:09:42 |
00:09:44 |
I would have that same dream, |
| 00:09:44 |
00:09:46 |
and one time, it went even further, |
| 00:09:46 |
00:09:48 |
I got the needle into my arm, |
| 00:09:48 |
00:09:52 |
as I was about to push
the plunger, I wake up. |
| 00:09:52 |
00:09:56 |
I woke up and I was wondering,
“Okay, what is up with this?” |
| 00:09:56 |
00:10:00 |
I said, “Lord, at least let me
fill it at one time, |
| 00:10:00 |
00:10:02 |
you know?” But anyway, |
| 00:10:02 |
00:10:08 |
but that's a way of describing
what you are chasing. |
| 00:10:08 |
00:10:09 |
You don't know what you're chasing, |
| 00:10:09 |
00:10:12 |
but you're chasing
something and the thing is, |
| 00:10:12 |
00:10:15 |
you never catch it,
you never achieve it. |
| 00:10:15 |
00:10:16 |
And so you get more drugs, |
| 00:10:16 |
00:10:19 |
still chasing whatever that was. |
| 00:10:19 |
00:10:22 |
And what I think, you know, |
| 00:10:22 |
00:10:24 |
looking back on stuff
when I was thinking is |
| 00:10:24 |
00:10:26 |
that I didn't realize |
| 00:10:26 |
00:10:29 |
it at the time and a lot of
addicts don't realize it, |
| 00:10:29 |
00:10:31 |
but they were really
chasing his death. |
| 00:10:31 |
00:10:34 |
Not saying that they want to
die, they’re trying to die. |
| 00:10:34 |
00:10:40 |
But if they keep chasing what
is staying away from them, |
| 00:10:40 |
00:10:44 |
what is one step ahead
of them, is death. |
| 00:10:44 |
00:10:46 |
But it's still chasing it. |
| 00:10:46 |
00:10:49 |
And the problem is, the bad thing is, |
| 00:10:49 |
00:10:54 |
now too many of our people
are catching up with him. |
| 00:10:54 |
00:10:56 |
They're no longer just chasing them. |
| 00:10:56 |
00:11:00 |
They caught him, and
now they're dead. |
| 00:11:00 |
00:11:03 |
(soft piano music) |
| 00:11:10 |
00:11:11 |
>> About two weeks ago, |
| 00:11:11 |
00:11:15 |
I left the ministry,
slacking a little bit in |
| 00:11:15 |
00:11:20 |
my persistence towards God, |
| 00:11:20 |
00:11:21 |
when I was afraid, you
know what I'm saying? |
| 00:11:21 |
00:11:23 |
I started taking my eyes off Him, |
| 00:11:23 |
00:11:25 |
and started putting it all about me. |
| 00:11:25 |
00:11:28 |
It was all about me, you know? |
| 00:11:28 |
00:11:31 |
So anyway, I felt bad. |
| 00:11:31 |
00:11:33 |
You know, when I left, |
| 00:11:33 |
00:11:35 |
I went out and used. |
| 00:11:35 |
00:11:37 |
I only been out a week.
You know what I mean? |
| 00:11:37 |
00:11:38 |
I came back. You know what I mean? |
| 00:11:38 |
00:11:40 |
Came back to my senses and what |
| 00:11:40 |
00:11:44 |
I wanted to give God the glory
for when I was out there. |
| 00:11:44 |
00:11:48 |
I mean, it's just like people say, |
| 00:11:48 |
00:11:51 |
once you leave the drug alone |
| 00:11:51 |
00:11:55 |
and then you go back
to it, it gets worse. |
| 00:11:55 |
00:12:01 |
3:45 in the morning pitch dark, |
| 00:12:01 |
00:12:02 |
money in my pocket, |
| 00:12:02 |
00:12:05 |
over 300 and something dollars
in my pocket. I'm out walking. |
| 00:12:05 |
00:12:08 |
I'm like, I'm like, |
| 00:12:08 |
00:12:11 |
every now and then a car
will pass and I'm like, |
| 00:12:11 |
00:12:13 |
thinking to myself,
“Oh God, help me God. |
| 00:12:13 |
00:12:16 |
Oh Lord God, please don't let nobody |
| 00:12:16 |
00:12:18 |
pull up and blow my head off or |
| 00:12:18 |
00:12:23 |
please don’t have somebody pull
up and try to rob me.” You know, |
| 00:12:23 |
00:12:27 |
that’s just how much God loves me. |
| 00:12:27 |
00:12:29 |
You know what I'm
saying? Today because, |
| 00:12:29 |
00:12:33 |
there's been situations like
that where you heard about |
| 00:12:33 |
00:12:37 |
it on the news or
whatever you want to say. |
| 00:12:37 |
00:12:40 |
Things like that happen to people. |
| 00:12:40 |
00:12:44 |
All my life, I always
felt God's hand on me. |
| 00:12:44 |
00:12:46 |
So since I been back, |
| 00:12:46 |
00:12:49 |
I been taking my eyes off myself. |
| 00:12:49 |
00:12:51 |
You know what I'm saying? |
| 00:12:51 |
00:12:53 |
Just coming to the Lord faithfully. |
| 00:12:53 |
00:12:55 |
You just take one day at a time. |
| 00:12:55 |
00:12:57 |
>> I knew I was in too
deep when I started |
| 00:12:57 |
00:12:59 |
doing things that I really
said, I would never do, |
| 00:12:59 |
00:13:02 |
I started stealing from the church, |
| 00:13:02 |
00:13:06 |
particularly, my father
and my aunt's church. |
| 00:13:06 |
00:13:09 |
I stole my father's tithe envelope |
| 00:13:09 |
00:13:11 |
that he had dropped off at my aunts, |
| 00:13:11 |
00:13:13 |
they put in an offering the next day. |
| 00:13:13 |
00:13:19 |
I was what they call fiending and, |
| 00:13:19 |
00:13:21 |
you know, I needed
some drugs right then, |
| 00:13:21 |
00:13:24 |
so I took the money out of |
| 00:13:24 |
00:13:27 |
my father's tithe envelope |
| 00:13:27 |
00:13:29 |
and I went and bought
the drugs with it. |
| 00:13:29 |
00:13:35 |
I was running… I found the checkbook, |
| 00:13:35 |
00:13:41 |
the church's checkbook and I was
writing checks to myself from the |
| 00:13:41 |
00:13:46 |
church’s checkbook and I was
signing fictitious names to them, |
| 00:13:46 |
00:13:49 |
and so I was doing that, |
| 00:13:49 |
00:13:50 |
and so that's when I
meant when I said I was |
| 00:13:50 |
00:13:51 |
stealing from the church. |
| 00:13:51 |
00:13:54 |
And another thing that really hurt, |
| 00:13:54 |
00:13:57 |
I know my family, my aunt was that, |
| 00:13:57 |
00:14:02 |
okay... My aunt who really loved me, |
| 00:14:02 |
00:14:05 |
there's pictures of her holding
me when I was a baby and |
| 00:14:05 |
00:14:08 |
I remember her taking
me to, she was a nurse. |
| 00:14:08 |
00:14:10 |
And by the way, she
didn’t have any children, |
| 00:14:10 |
00:14:13 |
she considered me her child, |
| 00:14:13 |
00:14:16 |
and she loved me with
her whole heart and |
| 00:14:16 |
00:14:25 |
I stole so much stuff on her
that they were prosperous, |
| 00:14:25 |
00:14:26 |
but by the time I finished, |
| 00:14:26 |
00:14:29 |
she couldn't even have her
electric was turned off, |
| 00:14:29 |
00:14:33 |
her gas was turned
off and the telephone |
| 00:14:33 |
00:14:37 |
was turned off because I
stole all of her stuff. |
| 00:14:37 |
00:14:39 |
She had taken me in
after her husband had |
| 00:14:39 |
00:14:42 |
passed to help her around the house, |
| 00:14:42 |
00:14:46 |
and I was stealing her blind. |
| 00:14:46 |
00:14:51 |
A lot of stuff that she had
accumulated I was selling. |
| 00:14:51 |
00:14:54 |
She had a couple of fur
coats, I sold both of them. |
| 00:14:54 |
00:14:56 |
I sold the coats and I remember she |
| 00:14:56 |
00:14:57 |
was a pastor and one
of our members had |
| 00:14:57 |
00:14:59 |
passed and she couldn't even go to |
| 00:14:59 |
00:15:01 |
the funeral because she
didn't have a coat to wear, |
| 00:15:01 |
00:15:02 |
I stole all of them. |
| 00:15:02 |
00:15:04 |
Man, what have I become? |
| 00:15:04 |
00:15:07 |
Auntie is gone now, |
| 00:15:07 |
00:15:10 |
but that still bothers me. |
| 00:15:10 |
00:15:11 |
I still, when I pray now, |
| 00:15:11 |
00:15:14 |
ask God to forgive me for
what I did to Auntie. |
| 00:15:14 |
00:15:16 |
My father took a Greyhound bus from |
| 00:15:16 |
00:15:20 |
Chicago all the way to
Leavenworth to visit me. |
| 00:15:20 |
00:15:23 |
When I was at the Cook County jail, |
| 00:15:23 |
00:15:27 |
he visited me all the time. |
| 00:15:27 |
00:15:29 |
And I didn't know the
effect that I was having on |
| 00:15:29 |
00:15:34 |
him until some years later
cause I thought that, |
| 00:15:34 |
00:15:35 |
okay, I'm not hurting anybody, |
| 00:15:35 |
00:15:40 |
but myself and I was
wrong about that. |
| 00:15:40 |
00:15:42 |
I remember hearing when I was sent to |
| 00:15:42 |
00:15:46 |
the penitentiary and
I heard some time |
| 00:15:46 |
00:15:48 |
later was the fact
that how it affected |
| 00:15:48 |
00:15:52 |
my father when he had to go to
the jail to get my clothes, |
| 00:15:52 |
00:15:54 |
because I was gone. |
| 00:15:54 |
00:16:02 |
And what I heard was that
the effect it had on him was |
| 00:16:02 |
00:16:05 |
it was almost like him going to |
| 00:16:05 |
00:16:10 |
a hospital or something to get
my clothes, because I'm dead. |
| 00:16:10 |
00:16:13 |
And that was the feeling
that he had that, |
| 00:16:13 |
00:16:15 |
I gotta get my son's clothes. |
| 00:16:15 |
00:16:17 |
He's gone now. |
| 00:16:17 |
00:16:20 |
And that had an effect on him that |
| 00:16:20 |
00:16:24 |
I didn't realize til years later. |
| 00:16:25 |
00:16:28 |
And even with my daughter, |
| 00:16:29 |
00:16:32 |
when I was arrested, |
| 00:16:32 |
00:16:34 |
I went to prison and I wrote her |
| 00:16:34 |
00:16:37 |
a letter because the year |
| 00:16:37 |
00:16:40 |
previous was the most time
I had ever spent with her, |
| 00:16:40 |
00:16:42 |
when she came to visit
in Chicago and I was |
| 00:16:42 |
00:16:45 |
able to be with her and my son. |
| 00:16:45 |
00:16:48 |
But I wrote her that
letter when I got |
| 00:16:48 |
00:16:51 |
to the prison and she wrote
me back, she said, “Dad, |
| 00:16:51 |
00:16:53 |
why is the only time I hear
from you is when you were in jail?” |
| 00:16:53 |
00:16:59 |
And that affected me
because I realized it was true. |
| 00:16:59 |
00:17:02 |
She lives in Detroit
with her mother and |
| 00:17:02 |
00:17:07 |
other family members and I lived
some of everywhere: Chicago, |
| 00:17:07 |
00:17:11 |
Detroit, St. Louis, California. |
| 00:17:11 |
00:17:12 |
I was always trying to stay a step |
| 00:17:12 |
00:17:14 |
ahead of the police and
the warrants that I had. |
| 00:17:14 |
00:17:18 |
And so when I wrote her
that and she wrote me back, |
| 00:17:18 |
00:17:21 |
“Why is the only time you
write me is when you’re in jail?” |
| 00:17:21 |
00:17:27 |
That messed me up,
because it was true. |
| 00:17:27 |
00:17:29 |
And so when I'm in prisons, |
| 00:17:29 |
00:17:32 |
talking to the men in
prisons when I go, |
| 00:17:32 |
00:17:34 |
and I share that story
with them, let them know, |
| 00:17:34 |
00:17:38 |
“No don't make the same
mistake that I made. |
| 00:17:39 |
00:17:42 |
The stuff you're doing is
not just affecting you, |
| 00:17:42 |
00:17:44 |
it's affecting your whole family, |
| 00:17:44 |
00:17:49 |
your children, your little siblings, |
| 00:17:49 |
00:17:50 |
your brothers or sisters. |
| 00:17:50 |
00:17:54 |
You are hurting them more than |
| 00:17:54 |
00:17:57 |
you think you are
hurting them.” And so, |
| 00:17:57 |
00:18:00 |
yeah, it was a real negative
effect that I had on |
| 00:18:00 |
00:18:03 |
my family and my friends,
even to this day. |
| 00:18:03 |
00:18:05 |
It was well over |
| 00:18:05 |
00:18:09 |
$200,000 that I had spent during
the time of my addiction, |
| 00:18:09 |
00:18:13 |
and it might've been
even closer to $300,000. |
| 00:18:13 |
00:18:19 |
I had spent so much
money on the drug. |
| 00:18:19 |
00:18:23 |
And one thing that I
did realize later in |
| 00:18:23 |
00:18:28 |
my addiction was that even if I
wanted a job or wanted to work, |
| 00:18:28 |
00:18:30 |
I couldn't afford to
work because there |
| 00:18:30 |
00:18:32 |
was no job that was going
to pay me enough to be |
| 00:18:32 |
00:18:37 |
able to supply the drugs that
I needed just to function. |
| 00:18:37 |
00:18:41 |
And so, yeah, it costs
a lot monetarily |
| 00:18:41 |
00:18:46 |
and as far as relationships
and even my freedom. |
| 00:18:46 |
00:18:49 |
Yeah, drug addiction costs a lot. |
| 00:18:49 |
00:18:51 |
Besides the heroin and cocaine, |
| 00:18:51 |
00:18:53 |
and I was addicted to
alcohol cigarettes, |
| 00:18:53 |
00:18:57 |
sex, I think I was even
addicted to crime. |
| 00:18:57 |
00:19:00 |
It was just the rush sometimes |
| 00:19:00 |
00:19:03 |
with some of the criminal
activities that I was doing, |
| 00:19:03 |
00:19:06 |
the con games that I was running, |
| 00:19:06 |
00:19:11 |
especially when I was in
California and in the Marines. |
| 00:19:11 |
00:19:13 |
I got a high from that, |
| 00:19:13 |
00:19:15 |
just being able to, |
| 00:19:15 |
00:19:17 |
to talk people out of stuff. |
| 00:19:17 |
00:19:24 |
All of the males in my
family were alcoholics. |
| 00:19:24 |
00:19:27 |
My father, my grandfather, |
| 00:19:27 |
00:19:31 |
all my uncles, cousins, |
| 00:19:31 |
00:19:33 |
they were all alcoholics. |
| 00:19:33 |
00:19:36 |
My father was a heavy
drinker and alcoholic. |
| 00:19:36 |
00:19:41 |
I think the only thing that I
saved him from that his call, |
| 00:19:41 |
00:19:44 |
when God called him to the ministry. |
| 00:19:44 |
00:19:47 |
And then God delivered him from that. |
| 00:19:47 |
00:19:50 |
But I remember growing up as a child, |
| 00:19:50 |
00:19:52 |
all I saw was alcoholism especially |
| 00:19:52 |
00:19:55 |
from the male side of my family, |
| 00:19:55 |
00:19:58 |
both sides of the family, my
mother's side and my father's side. |
| 00:19:58 |
00:20:04 |
>> First high I experienced
was an aerosol can. |
| 00:20:04 |
00:20:07 |
About seven years old, |
| 00:20:07 |
00:20:09 |
and from there, everything took off. |
| 00:20:09 |
00:20:12 |
Before junior high, I was probably |
| 00:20:12 |
00:20:15 |
a stoned alcoholic, drug addict, |
| 00:20:15 |
00:20:16 |
whatever you want to call it, |
| 00:20:16 |
00:20:23 |
but it was never addressed
because I was the fourth child. |
| 00:20:23 |
00:20:27 |
I felt my mom played favoritism
over all five of us. |
| 00:20:27 |
00:20:30 |
And I'm okay with that, I was
known as the black sheep, |
| 00:20:30 |
00:20:33 |
so I continued on. |
| 00:20:33 |
00:20:37 |
Before I was 16, I
formed my own gang, |
| 00:20:37 |
00:20:41 |
got into the streets
and by now crack and |
| 00:20:41 |
00:20:44 |
everything else was out there. |
| 00:20:44 |
00:20:47 |
The first elicit drug I
fell in love with was |
| 00:20:47 |
00:20:50 |
the PCP and angel dust. |
| 00:20:50 |
00:20:54 |
And from their on, I
spiraled out of control. |
| 00:20:54 |
00:20:56 |
Each time I disconnect from |
| 00:20:56 |
00:20:58 |
people that's going
to mean me some good, |
| 00:20:58 |
00:21:00 |
I wind up going back. |
| 00:21:00 |
00:21:03 |
If this is your first treatment, |
| 00:21:03 |
00:21:05 |
spiritual whatever type of treatment. |
| 00:21:05 |
00:21:07 |
Each time you go out, |
| 00:21:07 |
00:21:10 |
you double your dose and
you triple your pain. |
| 00:21:10 |
00:21:14 |
>> This, this is crack cocaine |
| 00:21:14 |
00:21:19 |
seized a few days ago by drug
enforcement agents in a park, |
| 00:21:19 |
00:21:22 |
just across the street
from the White House. |
| 00:21:22 |
00:21:25 |
It could easily have been heroin or |
| 00:21:25 |
00:21:29 |
PCP it's as innocent
looking as candy, |
| 00:21:29 |
00:21:31 |
but it's turning our cities into |
| 00:21:31 |
00:21:34 |
battle zones and it's
murdering our children. |
| 00:21:34 |
00:21:36 |
Let there be no mistake, |
| 00:21:36 |
00:21:39 |
this stuff is poison. |
| 00:21:39 |
00:21:42 |
>> We’re going to be
approaching an area now, |
| 00:21:42 |
00:21:45 |
a place where back in the day, |
| 00:21:45 |
00:21:47 |
I first started smoking crack. |
| 00:21:47 |
00:21:49 |
As a matter of fact,
this is the first place |
| 00:21:49 |
00:21:54 |
that I smoked crack at, |
| 00:21:54 |
00:21:57 |
crack and also PCP, |
| 00:21:57 |
00:21:59 |
what people call water. |
| 00:21:59 |
00:22:02 |
It’s all boarded up now, |
| 00:22:02 |
00:22:05 |
but that was the place
where I first started |
| 00:22:05 |
00:22:09 |
smoking crack and PCP, |
| 00:22:09 |
00:22:11 |
what they call water. |
| 00:22:11 |
00:22:15 |
The person, who I will not name, |
| 00:22:15 |
00:22:17 |
he had several houses, |
| 00:22:17 |
00:22:19 |
drug houses, in the St. Louis area. |
| 00:22:19 |
00:22:21 |
But this is where he started. |
| 00:22:21 |
00:22:26 |
Even when I was on my knees
in the alley that night, |
| 00:22:26 |
00:22:28 |
the alley looked
something like this one. |
| 00:22:28 |
00:22:29 |
On my hands and knees, |
| 00:22:29 |
00:22:31 |
looking for a syringe and |
| 00:22:31 |
00:22:34 |
a needle that I had thrown
away hours earlier. |
| 00:22:34 |
00:22:36 |
I’d thrown them away
because I promised God |
| 00:22:36 |
00:22:38 |
that I would never shoot drugs again. |
| 00:22:38 |
00:22:41 |
But here I was in that
alley on my hands and |
| 00:22:41 |
00:22:46 |
knees looking for that
syringe and that needle, |
| 00:22:46 |
00:22:49 |
instead of being on my hands
and my knees and asking God to |
| 00:22:49 |
00:22:53 |
forgive me and to deliver
me from this thing. |
| 00:22:53 |
00:22:56 |
My marriage failed because I |
| 00:22:56 |
00:23:02 |
chose drugs and the lifestyle
that I was living over my family. |
| 00:23:02 |
00:23:05 |
What I mean by that is that is, |
| 00:23:05 |
00:23:08 |
it's the choices that you make. |
| 00:23:09 |
00:23:14 |
You can choose to be with
your family and do what you |
| 00:23:14 |
00:23:19 |
can to be a father of
your husband or whatever, |
| 00:23:19 |
00:23:21 |
or you can choose to |
| 00:23:21 |
00:23:26 |
do what you need to do in
order to support your habit. |
| 00:23:26 |
00:23:30 |
And if you, the habit that you have, |
| 00:23:30 |
00:23:32 |
it's gonna cost you something. |
| 00:23:32 |
00:23:36 |
As far as your
relationship with folks, |
| 00:23:36 |
00:23:40 |
take for instance, you |
| 00:23:40 |
00:23:41 |
might have an appointment to go |
| 00:23:41 |
00:23:44 |
somewhere to be somewhere
at a certain time. |
| 00:23:44 |
00:23:49 |
And you decide before you get
ready to leave home, to get there, |
| 00:23:49 |
00:23:51 |
you said, okay, I'm going to
take a hit first before I go, |
| 00:23:51 |
00:23:53 |
just take the edge
off and I'll be good. |
| 00:23:53 |
00:23:56 |
Okay with that hit, it
leads to another hit. |
| 00:23:56 |
00:23:58 |
And then that leads to
take an another hit. |
| 00:23:58 |
00:24:00 |
And that hit leads to
taking another hit. |
| 00:24:00 |
00:24:02 |
And the next thing you know, |
| 00:24:02 |
00:24:07 |
you’ve been there
getting high and doing |
| 00:24:07 |
00:24:09 |
drugs instead of going and |
| 00:24:09 |
00:24:11 |
doing what you supposed
to be doing and now, |
| 00:24:11 |
00:24:14 |
after taking hit,
after hit, after hit, |
| 00:24:14 |
00:24:20 |
now it's so late that it's
too late to get there, |
| 00:24:20 |
00:24:22 |
to do what you were
supposed to been doing. |
| 00:24:22 |
00:24:24 |
Whether it's supposed to be at one of |
| 00:24:24 |
00:24:26 |
your kid's ball games or something, |
| 00:24:26 |
00:24:28 |
or graduation of whatever, |
| 00:24:28 |
00:24:31 |
instead of doing what you
supposed to be doing, |
| 00:24:31 |
00:24:34 |
you’re self-indulging,
that's a choice |
| 00:24:34 |
00:24:38 |
that you have made and then
so your family suffers. |
| 00:24:38 |
00:24:39 |
I remember a friend of mine, |
| 00:24:39 |
00:24:41 |
a friend of mine whose mother |
| 00:24:41 |
00:24:42 |
had passed, now she loved her mother. |
| 00:24:42 |
00:24:46 |
Her mother had passed and she had had |
| 00:24:46 |
00:24:49 |
gotten to the funeral home in
plenty of time for the funeral. |
| 00:24:49 |
00:24:51 |
Matter of fact, she was
there for the visitation. |
| 00:24:51 |
00:24:53 |
And sometimes during the visitation, |
| 00:24:53 |
00:24:55 |
she decided to step outside, |
| 00:24:55 |
00:24:57 |
and her and a friend
of hers was sitting in |
| 00:24:57 |
00:25:00 |
a car and they started
to smoke some crack. |
| 00:25:00 |
00:25:01 |
And they were sitting there, |
| 00:25:01 |
00:25:03 |
getting high, smoking crack. |
| 00:25:03 |
00:25:05 |
But the way crack is |
| 00:25:05 |
00:25:09 |
one hit leads to another hit
and then to another hit, |
| 00:25:09 |
00:25:10 |
then to another hit. |
| 00:25:10 |
00:25:13 |
And before they even realized
that the funeral was halfway |
| 00:25:13 |
00:25:17 |
over and they’re sitting
outside in the parking lot, |
| 00:25:17 |
00:25:21 |
smoking crack while their mother’s
being funeralized inside. |
| 00:25:21 |
00:25:26 |
And now, it's not because
she didn't love her mother, |
| 00:25:26 |
00:25:30 |
but the choice that
she made was to start, |
| 00:25:30 |
00:25:32 |
was to take that first hit. |
| 00:25:32 |
00:25:34 |
And one hit led to another. |
| 00:25:34 |
00:25:38 |
And so that's an example
of choices that you |
| 00:25:38 |
00:25:43 |
make that affects your family or
it affects people around you. |
| 00:25:43 |
00:25:47 |
And it would affect you
later when you realized, |
| 00:25:47 |
00:25:52 |
man, what was I thinking?
What was I thinking? |
| 00:25:52 |
00:25:54 |
Mom is in there being… |
| 00:25:54 |
00:25:57 |
A funeral is going on and out,
sitting on the car, getting high. |
| 00:25:57 |
00:26:00 |
But by the time you realize that and |
| 00:26:00 |
00:26:03 |
think about that, it's too late. |
| 00:26:04 |
00:26:07 |
My daughter was graduating
and I was supposed to be at |
| 00:26:07 |
00:26:09 |
the graduation and I'm |
| 00:26:09 |
00:26:12 |
out here getting high or
trying to get some money. |
| 00:26:13 |
00:26:15 |
Other stuff that's going on, |
| 00:26:15 |
00:26:19 |
you made choices, it’s a bad choice. |
| 00:26:19 |
00:26:21 |
And somewhere down the road, |
| 00:26:21 |
00:26:25 |
that's going to eat that shoe
and eat you up, and consume you. |
| 00:26:25 |
00:26:28 |
I was trying to escape reality. |
| 00:26:28 |
00:26:31 |
I lost so much by the
decisions that I had made. |
| 00:26:31 |
00:26:33 |
We all have dreams, |
| 00:26:33 |
00:26:34 |
I had had dreams when I was, |
| 00:26:34 |
00:26:37 |
I was a child growing up and then |
| 00:26:37 |
00:26:40 |
I started achieving
some of those dreams. |
| 00:26:40 |
00:26:45 |
Like I said, at one point I
was a functioning drug addict. |
| 00:26:45 |
00:26:47 |
But even before I
started using the drugs, |
| 00:26:47 |
00:26:49 |
when I was preaching before, |
| 00:26:49 |
00:26:55 |
I was a sought after teenage
preacher around the Midwest. |
| 00:26:55 |
00:27:00 |
That was gone. I was |
| 00:27:00 |
00:27:03 |
a successful businessman in |
| 00:27:03 |
00:27:08 |
the retail industry
and retail management. |
| 00:27:08 |
00:27:16 |
I messed that up. I was an
upcoming politician in Chicago, |
| 00:27:16 |
00:27:21 |
working for one of the first
black United States Congressmen. |
| 00:27:21 |
00:27:25 |
That was gone. I’d gotten a raise, |
| 00:27:25 |
00:27:28 |
I made all the way up to
Sergeant in one of the toughest, |
| 00:27:28 |
00:27:33 |
most respected branches of
the military that there is. |
| 00:27:33 |
00:27:35 |
I messed that up. |
| 00:27:35 |
00:27:38 |
God gave me chance and
chance after chance, |
| 00:27:38 |
00:27:41 |
and I was able to achieve this
and that and I messed it up, |
| 00:27:41 |
00:27:44 |
threw it all the way because of |
| 00:27:44 |
00:27:48 |
some choices that I made and
the addictions that I had. |
| 00:27:48 |
00:27:50 |
And there was, and I was sitting, |
| 00:27:50 |
00:27:52 |
I think back up, man, |
| 00:27:52 |
00:27:54 |
I had it. I had it. |
| 00:27:54 |
00:27:56 |
And then I would get
so discouraged and |
| 00:27:56 |
00:27:59 |
disgusted because I
know those chances, |
| 00:27:59 |
00:28:01 |
those opportunities,
they’re never going to come |
| 00:28:01 |
00:28:04 |
back. So what am I now? |
| 00:28:04 |
00:28:08 |
Just a junkie. That's all
I'm ever going to be. |
| 00:28:08 |
00:28:12 |
Now, just another
junkie who was steady |
| 00:28:12 |
00:28:16 |
hurting folk and so you get
so depressed off of that. |
| 00:28:16 |
00:28:19 |
I heard people say that
people do drugs for |
| 00:28:19 |
00:28:24 |
two reasons: one is to feel good
and another is not to feel. |
| 00:28:24 |
00:28:26 |
When you first start shooting
drugs or doing drugs, |
| 00:28:26 |
00:28:28 |
you're doing it because
it makes you feel good. |
| 00:28:28 |
00:28:32 |
But later on, you're doing it
because you don't want to feel. |
| 00:28:32 |
00:28:35 |
You don't want to feel the pain
that you caused to everybody. |
| 00:28:35 |
00:28:38 |
You don't want to feel
the disappointment that |
| 00:28:38 |
00:28:41 |
you are having yourself and how
you disappointed other folks. |
| 00:28:41 |
00:28:44 |
You don't want to feel
that. So you medicate, |
| 00:28:44 |
00:28:47 |
you just keep doing more
drugs and drug after drug, |
| 00:28:47 |
00:28:49 |
because you don't want to feel. |
| 00:28:49 |
00:28:53 |
I get a lot of people who call or |
| 00:28:53 |
00:28:55 |
contact me because one
of their loved ones, |
| 00:28:55 |
00:28:58 |
their son or daughter or whoever is |
| 00:28:58 |
00:29:01 |
strung out on drugs and they know
how God delivered me from drugs, |
| 00:29:01 |
00:29:03 |
so they want me to talk to them. |
| 00:29:03 |
00:29:05 |
And I'm glad to do that. |
| 00:29:05 |
00:29:10 |
But what people have to
realize is that they're not, |
| 00:29:10 |
00:29:12 |
if they're not ready to quit, |
| 00:29:12 |
00:29:15 |
they're not going to
listen to me because |
| 00:29:15 |
00:29:17 |
they think that they
got it under control. |
| 00:29:17 |
00:29:22 |
They think they're using
because they want to use. |
| 00:29:22 |
00:29:23 |
You hear people say, |
| 00:29:23 |
00:29:27 |
I can quit anytime I want to. |
| 00:29:27 |
00:29:29 |
I'm just not ready to quit. |
| 00:29:29 |
00:29:32 |
So until they realized
that they are ready to |
| 00:29:32 |
00:29:35 |
quit and what's going on,
they will never quit. |
| 00:29:35 |
00:29:39 |
But one thing that is good, |
| 00:29:39 |
00:29:41 |
is that you're able to plant seed. |
| 00:29:41 |
00:29:45 |
And so that's what I do
sometimes I plant the seed. |
| 00:29:45 |
00:29:49 |
Just like the Bible says,
even about Christianity, |
| 00:29:49 |
00:29:51 |
one person might plant a seed and
the other one might water it, |
| 00:29:51 |
00:29:53 |
but then God gives the increase. |
| 00:29:53 |
00:29:57 |
If I plant a seed for someone
and then something else |
| 00:29:57 |
00:30:01 |
happens down the road to reinforce
the seed that I planted, |
| 00:30:01 |
00:30:03 |
in other words, they watered it. |
| 00:30:03 |
00:30:08 |
And then so when time comes, |
| 00:30:08 |
00:30:12 |
then when they start
feeling like, okay, |
| 00:30:12 |
00:30:14 |
this ain't what I signed up for, |
| 00:30:14 |
00:30:17 |
maybe it's time for me
to rethink this thing. |
| 00:30:17 |
00:30:19 |
But sometimes it might be |
| 00:30:19 |
00:30:21 |
kind of late because
they've lost some stuff, |
| 00:30:21 |
00:30:23 |
different people have rock bottoms. |
| 00:30:23 |
00:30:25 |
For some it’s going to jail, |
| 00:30:25 |
00:30:27 |
for some was a loss of a loved one, |
| 00:30:27 |
00:30:31 |
for some it’s being
homeless or whatever. |
| 00:30:31 |
00:30:34 |
Different people have
their own rock bottom, |
| 00:30:34 |
00:30:36 |
but then when they get
close to that bottom, |
| 00:30:36 |
00:30:38 |
then it starts sinking in that, |
| 00:30:38 |
00:30:42 |
okay, this is not what I want. |
| 00:30:42 |
00:30:46 |
And it took a while for me
to realize that myself. |
| 00:30:46 |
00:30:49 |
Again, what started affecting me |
| 00:30:49 |
00:30:52 |
was when I saw how I was
affecting other folk, |
| 00:30:52 |
00:30:55 |
but until I got ready to quit, |
| 00:30:55 |
00:30:56 |
I don't care who came
and talked to me |
| 00:30:56 |
00:30:58 |
about what, I wasn't hearing it. |
| 00:30:58 |
00:31:01 |
My cousin who's passed now, |
| 00:31:01 |
00:31:03 |
I loved her, Rose. |
| 00:31:03 |
00:31:06 |
She had tried to talk me cause |
| 00:31:06 |
00:31:09 |
she had been on drugs before herself, |
| 00:31:09 |
00:31:11 |
and God had delivered her, |
| 00:31:11 |
00:31:12 |
so she was trying to help me. |
| 00:31:12 |
00:31:15 |
But I wasn't trying to
hear that at that time. |
| 00:31:15 |
00:31:17 |
I just wanted her to just leave
me alone, I know what I'm doing. |
| 00:31:17 |
00:31:19 |
I’ll quit when I'm ready. |
| 00:31:19 |
00:31:22 |
I remember early in my addiction, |
| 00:31:22 |
00:31:24 |
I went to a drug house. |
| 00:31:24 |
00:31:26 |
It was in Chicago |
| 00:31:27 |
00:31:31 |
where they sold out of a
window that led to an alley. |
| 00:31:31 |
00:31:35 |
You tap on the window and
you tell them what you want, |
| 00:31:35 |
00:31:38 |
and then they get the bag or
two or whatever you wanted. |
| 00:31:38 |
00:31:42 |
I did that one night
after getting off work. |
| 00:31:42 |
00:31:44 |
And I was headed back to my car. |
| 00:31:44 |
00:31:48 |
And then I saw someone coming
up through a vacant lot. |
| 00:31:48 |
00:31:51 |
And when I saw them, |
| 00:31:51 |
00:31:52 |
I didn't know what it was. |
| 00:31:52 |
00:31:53 |
Was it a police of what? |
| 00:31:53 |
00:31:58 |
I dropped the bag when I
realized what was going on, |
| 00:31:58 |
00:32:01 |
because the person had a gun
pointed at me and he said, |
| 00:32:01 |
00:32:04 |
“Okay, give it up!” |
| 00:32:04 |
00:32:05 |
And acted like I didn't know
what he was talking about, |
| 00:32:05 |
00:32:07 |
I said, “What you talking about, man? |
| 00:32:07 |
00:32:09 |
What you talking about?” He said, |
| 00:32:09 |
00:32:14 |
“Give me the dope.” And I started
trying to play it off you know, |
| 00:32:14 |
00:32:15 |
like I ain't got no dope, |
| 00:32:15 |
00:32:18 |
they didn't have any, or whatever. |
| 00:32:18 |
00:32:21 |
And he put gun closer
to me and he said, |
| 00:32:21 |
00:32:24 |
“Don't make me shoot you. |
| 00:32:24 |
00:32:29 |
Give me the bag!” And so
after hesitating and stuff, |
| 00:32:29 |
00:32:31 |
as long as I could, I said, “Okay, |
| 00:32:31 |
00:32:33 |
this dud looks like
he’s going to shoot me.” |
| 00:32:33 |
00:32:37 |
I dropped the bag on the ground. |
| 00:32:37 |
00:32:39 |
And I was in, I was hoping |
| 00:32:39 |
00:32:43 |
that at first he wouldn't see
it cause I put my foot over it. |
| 00:32:43 |
00:32:45 |
And so I was still trying to talk to |
| 00:32:45 |
00:32:47 |
him and tell him that
I don't have anything, |
| 00:32:47 |
00:32:49 |
but when he cocked the gun, |
| 00:32:49 |
00:32:50 |
“See, I told you I dropped it. |
| 00:32:50 |
00:32:53 |
It’s right there.”
I was hoping in my mind, |
| 00:32:53 |
00:32:55 |
that he was going to reach down and |
| 00:32:55 |
00:32:57 |
pick up the bag and when he did that, |
| 00:32:57 |
00:32:58 |
I was going to kick him in the head. |
| 00:32:58 |
00:33:02 |
He didn't do that, he
told me to get him a car. |
| 00:33:02 |
00:33:05 |
And I said, “Okay.” And
so I had another plan. |
| 00:33:05 |
00:33:06 |
I was going to get in the car |
| 00:33:06 |
00:33:08 |
and then I was going to run over him. |
| 00:33:08 |
00:33:10 |
But when I got in the car
and by the time I looked up, |
| 00:33:10 |
00:33:12 |
he had vanished into the dark. |
| 00:33:12 |
00:33:15 |
I drove around looking for him. |
| 00:33:15 |
00:33:18 |
I know that sounds
crazy, he got a gun. |
| 00:33:18 |
00:33:19 |
I ain't got no gun, |
| 00:33:19 |
00:33:24 |
but I was driving around looking
for him over a $10 bag of heroin. |
| 00:33:25 |
00:33:30 |
That's one of the
dangers that you have, |
| 00:33:30 |
00:33:33 |
and that wasn't the only
time that I faced stick-ups. |
| 00:33:33 |
00:33:34 |
There’s been several times, |
| 00:33:34 |
00:33:36 |
but that's one that
stands out in my mind. |
| 00:33:36 |
00:33:39 |
So there are a lot of
ways that you can, |
| 00:33:39 |
00:33:41 |
that you’re risk in
your life when you, |
| 00:33:41 |
00:33:43 |
when you are doing drugs. |
| 00:33:43 |
00:33:44 |
One is overdosing. |
| 00:33:44 |
00:33:47 |
The other one is just being robbed or |
| 00:33:47 |
00:33:51 |
shot or getting killed
in a drug situation. |
| 00:33:51 |
00:33:55 |
My father was never able to see me, |
| 00:33:55 |
00:33:59 |
the new me or the real
me, or the delivered me. |
| 00:33:59 |
00:34:03 |
The one after Christ delivered
me from my addiction. |
| 00:34:03 |
00:34:06 |
My father never gave up on me. |
| 00:34:06 |
00:34:07 |
He, as I stated earlier, |
| 00:34:07 |
00:34:09 |
when I was going through
all of this stuff, |
| 00:34:09 |
00:34:12 |
my father was always with me. |
| 00:34:12 |
00:34:15 |
A disappointment my dad
really had was when I |
| 00:34:15 |
00:34:18 |
was really getting to
my worst one time. |
| 00:34:18 |
00:34:23 |
And I got to my father's house
and I knocked and rung the bell. |
| 00:34:23 |
00:34:24 |
Dad lifted the curtain. |
| 00:34:24 |
00:34:26 |
Normally when he’d lifted
the curtain, he see me, |
| 00:34:26 |
00:34:28 |
he swings the door
open, “Here's my son! |
| 00:34:28 |
00:34:30 |
Come on in here, boy.” You know, |
| 00:34:30 |
00:34:32 |
but that time they had |
| 00:34:32 |
00:34:33 |
lifted the curtain and
was just looking at me. |
| 00:34:33 |
00:34:36 |
He said, “What you want?”
I said, “Dad, |
| 00:34:36 |
00:34:38 |
it's me.” He said,
“I know who you are. |
| 00:34:38 |
00:34:42 |
What you want?” And I can tell
then the dad was really, really, |
| 00:34:42 |
00:34:44 |
really disappointed
in me, but even then, |
| 00:34:44 |
00:34:46 |
he couldn't hold it that alone. |
| 00:34:46 |
00:34:48 |
Dad loved me. |
| 00:34:50 |
00:34:55 |
And even though he didn't
live to see the change in me, |
| 00:34:55 |
00:34:57 |
I know it was because
of the prayers that he |
| 00:34:57 |
00:35:00 |
prayed constantly on my behalf, |
| 00:35:00 |
00:35:04 |
was one of the reasons
that I am who I am now. |
| 00:35:04 |
00:35:06 |
He was trying to rid |
| 00:35:06 |
00:35:09 |
the neighborhood of the drug
activity and the drugs. |
| 00:35:09 |
00:35:14 |
Dad was the kind of person he would, |
| 00:35:14 |
00:35:15 |
he would go and talk to folks. |
| 00:35:15 |
00:35:18 |
Everybody neighborhood
knew who Reverend Barr |
| 00:35:18 |
00:35:21 |
was and when people were, |
| 00:35:21 |
00:35:22 |
the drugs was going on, |
| 00:35:22 |
00:35:23 |
he'd go try to talk to him. |
| 00:35:23 |
00:35:26 |
He was trying to get the drugs
out of the neighborhood. |
| 00:35:26 |
00:35:33 |
One Saturday, I remember
dad had called me, |
| 00:35:33 |
00:35:36 |
and we had talked for a while. |
| 00:35:36 |
00:35:37 |
And then he said he was going to |
| 00:35:37 |
00:35:40 |
the grocery store to
get his groceries. |
| 00:35:40 |
00:35:43 |
I asked him, did he want me
to drive him to the store. |
| 00:35:43 |
00:35:45 |
He said, “No, you know,
that's how I get my exercise.” |
| 00:35:45 |
00:35:48 |
And so we hung up. |
| 00:35:48 |
00:35:51 |
A little bit later, |
| 00:35:51 |
00:35:54 |
I was on my way to get some drugs. |
| 00:35:54 |
00:35:58 |
I didn't drive, I took the
bus cause I didn't want |
| 00:35:58 |
00:36:00 |
auntie to know that I was |
| 00:36:00 |
00:36:03 |
gone cause she would figure
I was going to get drugs, |
| 00:36:03 |
00:36:05 |
but anyway, I saw a crowd |
| 00:36:05 |
00:36:07 |
that was gathered around |
| 00:36:07 |
00:36:09 |
right there on the corner
of where dad lived, |
| 00:36:09 |
00:36:12 |
where I grew up from, grew up at. |
| 00:36:12 |
00:36:14 |
I got back to the house
and then later on, |
| 00:36:14 |
00:36:16 |
someone came over and told me, |
| 00:36:16 |
00:36:20 |
“Hey man, you better
get over to the house. |
| 00:36:20 |
00:36:22 |
Reverend Barr was just ran over. |
| 00:36:22 |
00:36:28 |
Hit by a car. It don't look
good.” And what had happened was, |
| 00:36:28 |
00:36:30 |
witnesses say that when |
| 00:36:30 |
00:36:32 |
dad was crossing the
street with his groceries, |
| 00:36:32 |
00:36:36 |
someone intentionally ran over him, |
| 00:36:36 |
00:36:39 |
they pulled out like almost like
you see on the movies and stuff, |
| 00:36:39 |
00:36:41 |
they was sitting there one
day across the street, |
| 00:36:41 |
00:36:47 |
they pulled out and floored
the car and ran over him. |
| 00:36:47 |
00:36:50 |
He was in the hospital in a coma for |
| 00:36:50 |
00:36:52 |
about three days before he |
| 00:36:52 |
00:36:55 |
passed away but yeah,
that's what happened. |
| 00:36:56 |
00:36:58 |
People think it was some of |
| 00:36:58 |
00:37:01 |
the same drug dealers
that dad was trying |
| 00:37:01 |
00:37:06 |
to talk to and trying to get
them to change their life. |
| 00:37:06 |
00:37:10 |
I guess they felt like he was
interfering with their business, |
| 00:37:10 |
00:37:19 |
and so they ran him
down and killed him. |
| 00:37:19 |
00:37:22 |
I was never the point where I
didn't want to live anymore, |
| 00:37:22 |
00:37:25 |
but I had gotten to the point
where I knew that if I kept |
| 00:37:25 |
00:37:29 |
going the way I was going and
that the things that I was doing, |
| 00:37:29 |
00:37:32 |
I could end up dying. |
| 00:37:32 |
00:37:35 |
And the thing was, I didn't care. |
| 00:37:35 |
00:37:37 |
Not that I didn't want to live, |
| 00:37:37 |
00:37:39 |
but I didn't care if my died, |
| 00:37:39 |
00:37:41 |
if that makes any sense. |
| 00:37:41 |
00:37:46 |
When I was in Cook
County jail in Chicago, |
| 00:37:46 |
00:37:49 |
even though I was in jail, |
| 00:37:49 |
00:37:52 |
I longed for a time to get out
of that so I can get back to |
| 00:37:52 |
00:37:56 |
my regular activities,
of getting high. |
| 00:37:56 |
00:38:01 |
But it was this one
particular Sunday. |
| 00:38:01 |
00:38:05 |
It was a prison ministry preacher
that came through the jail. |
| 00:38:05 |
00:38:09 |
His name was Reverend
Jerry Hodges in Chicago. |
| 00:38:10 |
00:38:13 |
I was standing there
in the cell block, |
| 00:38:13 |
00:38:16 |
in the outer area of the cell. |
| 00:38:16 |
00:38:20 |
And he came up behind me and
he said, “Hey, my brother. |
| 00:38:20 |
00:38:22 |
Why don’t you to come on
down to the Bible study? |
| 00:38:22 |
00:38:26 |
God’s got a word for you.”
And I went down to the, |
| 00:38:26 |
00:38:29 |
I really didn't even
care about going, |
| 00:38:29 |
00:38:30 |
but I didn’t have nothing
else better to do this. |
| 00:38:30 |
00:38:32 |
I sat in the back of |
| 00:38:32 |
00:38:37 |
the church service and when
Reverend Hodges was talking, |
| 00:38:37 |
00:38:40 |
he had said something that
got my attention that was, |
| 00:38:40 |
00:38:42 |
as I said before, I was wondering, |
| 00:38:42 |
00:38:45 |
“How come I keep going to jail?”
Like when you asked the question, |
| 00:38:45 |
00:38:48 |
about how many times I’d been
arrested and I was saying, |
| 00:38:48 |
00:38:51 |
“Why I keep going to jail?” There
was the time that I used to get |
| 00:38:51 |
00:38:55 |
away with all this stuff now I'm
getting arrested for everything. |
| 00:38:55 |
00:38:57 |
Stuff that my friends
were getting away with, |
| 00:38:57 |
00:38:58 |
I'm going to jail for it. |
| 00:38:58 |
00:39:00 |
Why I keep going to jail? |
| 00:39:00 |
00:39:04 |
And he asked the question,
no, he a statement. |
| 00:39:04 |
00:39:06 |
He said, “I bet a lot of
y'all wonder why you here in |
| 00:39:06 |
00:39:08 |
this jail.” So I started listening. |
| 00:39:08 |
00:39:10 |
He said, “The reason
that a lot of y'all in |
| 00:39:10 |
00:39:12 |
here is because when you
were running in the street, |
| 00:39:12 |
00:39:14 |
doing your thing, God couldn't get |
| 00:39:14 |
00:39:18 |
your attention. You
couldn't hear Him. |
| 00:39:18 |
00:39:20 |
So sometimes what He does is, |
| 00:39:20 |
00:39:22 |
He allows you to be put someplace to |
| 00:39:22 |
00:39:25 |
slow you down so you can hear Him. |
| 00:39:25 |
00:39:28 |
And he does that
because He loves you. |
| 00:39:28 |
00:39:30 |
And what you got to remember is that |
| 00:39:30 |
00:39:32 |
no matter what you've done and
no matter what you’ve become, |
| 00:39:32 |
00:39:34 |
God still loves you. |
| 00:39:34 |
00:39:36 |
And that was the beginning
of our turnaround |
| 00:39:36 |
00:39:38 |
because I had always thought that |
| 00:39:38 |
00:39:41 |
I had done too much wrong
for God to ever forgive me. |
| 00:39:41 |
00:39:43 |
I'd hurt too many people. |
| 00:39:43 |
00:39:46 |
I got too many people
strung out on drugs. |
| 00:39:46 |
00:39:50 |
Some of the women who
were prostituting, |
| 00:39:50 |
00:39:53 |
and I blamed that on myself
because I got them strung out. |
| 00:39:53 |
00:39:55 |
And now they are strong out and are |
| 00:39:55 |
00:39:58 |
prostituting because I
got them strung out. |
| 00:39:58 |
00:40:02 |
It's a folk who had OD’d and died
because I started them on drugs. |
| 00:40:02 |
00:40:05 |
So I'd done too much wrong
for God to forgive me. |
| 00:40:18 |
00:40:21 |
Reverend Hodges said, “No
matter what you've done, |
| 00:40:21 |
00:40:25 |
God still loves you.” |
| 00:40:25 |
00:40:32 |
That was the beginning of my turn around. |
| 00:40:33 |
00:40:40 |
That's what did it. I surround |
| 00:40:40 |
00:40:43 |
myself with people who
hold me accountable. |
| 00:40:45 |
00:40:48 |
Dr. Ronald Bobo,
pastor of this church, |
| 00:40:48 |
00:40:50 |
has been my pastor for 23, |
| 00:40:50 |
00:40:53 |
25, 20 something years. |
| 00:40:53 |
00:40:58 |
One of the people who
holds me accountable. |
| 00:40:58 |
00:41:00 |
He knows my life, he knows my story. |
| 00:41:00 |
00:41:01 |
He knows everything about me. |
| 00:41:01 |
00:41:04 |
He's the one who put me
over the prison ministry. |
| 00:41:04 |
00:41:06 |
It was sometimes that |
| 00:41:06 |
00:41:10 |
I got weak and slipped for
one reason or another. |
| 00:41:10 |
00:41:16 |
Like when my mother
passed and I was falling |
| 00:41:16 |
00:41:19 |
into some stuff that |
| 00:41:19 |
00:41:23 |
I was going to have me going
back to that lifestyle, |
| 00:41:23 |
00:41:26 |
and he had his arm around me. |
| 00:41:26 |
00:41:27 |
Let me know that, |
| 00:41:27 |
00:41:29 |
nah, you ain't got to do that. |
| 00:41:29 |
00:41:32 |
I got you. And not just him, |
| 00:41:32 |
00:41:34 |
other folk in the church here. |
| 00:41:35 |
00:41:38 |
And so you got to surround
yourself with people, |
| 00:41:38 |
00:41:41 |
with positive people
who got your back. |
| 00:41:41 |
00:41:46 |
And they're not always going to
tell you stuff you want to hear. |
| 00:41:46 |
00:41:48 |
They'll tell you stuff
you need to hear. |
| 00:41:48 |
00:41:52 |
And you gotta be able to
accept that and listen to it. |
| 00:41:52 |
00:41:54 |
That's what keeps me going. |
| 00:41:54 |
00:41:57 |
My pastor and my church for church, |
| 00:41:57 |
00:42:01 |
family and my family as well. |
| 00:42:01 |
00:42:04 |
My niece, Christine,
my cousin, Patrice, |
| 00:42:04 |
00:42:08 |
they, those kinds of people
I need to be around. |
| 00:42:08 |
00:42:10 |
Cause I was saying,
when I left Chicago, |
| 00:42:10 |
00:42:11 |
when I left Chicago, |
| 00:42:11 |
00:42:14 |
I left to get away
from that lifestyle. |
| 00:42:16 |
00:42:20 |
Growing up, I'd always
heard my parents say, |
| 00:42:20 |
00:42:21 |
“stay away from so-and-so. |
| 00:42:21 |
00:42:26 |
Don't go around so-and-so.”
I had gotten to be so-and-so. |
| 00:42:26 |
00:42:28 |
What people were
telling their children |
| 00:42:28 |
00:42:30 |
to stay away from.
“Stay away from Bub. |
| 00:42:30 |
00:42:34 |
Let's stay away from
Barr. Stay away from him. |
| 00:42:34 |
00:42:35 |
You don't want to end up like him, |
| 00:42:35 |
00:42:38 |
stay away from him.” |
| 00:42:38 |
00:42:39 |
And I was that person that |
| 00:42:39 |
00:42:41 |
everybody was telling the
kids to stay away from. |
| 00:42:41 |
00:42:43 |
And so when I decided, |
| 00:42:43 |
00:42:46 |
no it's time for me to leave, |
| 00:42:46 |
00:42:48 |
I knew that the only
way was to get out of, |
| 00:42:48 |
00:42:50 |
not just out of the neighborhood
I had… I left Chicago. |
| 00:42:50 |
00:42:52 |
I came to St. Louis. |
| 00:42:52 |
00:42:55 |
The thing is, there’s
drugs and St. Louis too. |
| 00:42:55 |
00:42:57 |
So that wasn't gonna
solve the problem, |
| 00:42:57 |
00:42:58 |
just leaving St. Louis. |
| 00:42:58 |
00:43:02 |
I had to leave the kind of people, |
| 00:43:02 |
00:43:04 |
cause the same kind
of people were here, |
| 00:43:04 |
00:43:07 |
were in St. Louis, or Chicago rather. |
| 00:43:07 |
00:43:12 |
But when I got here, I
didn't seek them out. |
| 00:43:12 |
00:43:16 |
And when that element
came toward me now, |
| 00:43:18 |
00:43:21 |
I didn't fall into that trap here. |
| 00:43:21 |
00:43:23 |
Even before I got into church, |
| 00:43:23 |
00:43:25 |
and when I got into church
and Pastor Bobo heard |
| 00:43:25 |
00:43:29 |
my testimony, people accepted me. |
| 00:43:29 |
00:43:32 |
People expected to something from me. |
| 00:43:32 |
00:43:34 |
My friend, Ron Cohen, |
| 00:43:34 |
00:43:38 |
he was a professional drug counselor. |
| 00:43:38 |
00:43:41 |
And it was sometimes, you know, |
| 00:43:41 |
00:43:43 |
like when I started drinking,
cause when my mother, |
| 00:43:43 |
00:43:45 |
when I was going through
that stuff with my mother, |
| 00:43:45 |
00:43:48 |
I blamed my mother's death on myself. |
| 00:43:49 |
00:43:53 |
And he held me accountable. |
| 00:43:53 |
00:43:58 |
He taught and it was other
folk from the church. |
| 00:43:58 |
00:44:01 |
When I started straying
away at one point, |
| 00:44:01 |
00:44:04 |
I kind of disappeared and
they wouldn't let me do that. |
| 00:44:04 |
00:44:08 |
If they didn't see me in
church after a few weeks, |
| 00:44:08 |
00:44:11 |
they were in my house or
they were calling me, |
| 00:44:11 |
00:44:14 |
“Man, you all right?” Okay,
that's what I'm talking about. |
| 00:44:14 |
00:44:16 |
You’ve got to have people
who care about you. |
| 00:44:16 |
00:44:20 |
And I found that this
is what worked for me. |
| 00:44:20 |
00:44:22 |
You got to find what works for you. |
| 00:44:22 |
00:44:25 |
So as the saying goes,
“Different strokes for different folks.” |
| 00:44:25 |
00:44:27 |
This is what worked
for me. This was my stroke. |
| 00:44:27 |
00:44:29 |
>> Whether you're talking |
| 00:44:29 |
00:44:32 |
about in the 12 step
movement or churches, |
| 00:44:32 |
00:44:35 |
you don't not, you don't
do this by yourself. |
| 00:44:35 |
00:44:40 |
You always have people that
are like-minded around you. |
| 00:44:40 |
00:44:43 |
So you have support. |
| 00:44:43 |
00:44:45 |
You have an accountability partner, |
| 00:44:45 |
00:44:47 |
James five 16 says, |
| 00:44:47 |
00:44:49 |
confess your faults one to another, |
| 00:44:49 |
00:44:51 |
let yourself be open
to somebody and say, |
| 00:44:51 |
00:44:53 |
look, I'm struggling right now. |
| 00:44:53 |
00:44:55 |
But let that person is not |
| 00:44:55 |
00:44:57 |
somebody who's going to,
co-sign your insanity, |
| 00:44:57 |
00:44:59 |
but somebody who's going
to support you and |
| 00:44:59 |
00:45:03 |
strengthen you and tell you
to hold on and pray for you. |
| 00:45:03 |
00:45:08 |
For those people who
are tempted to try it. |
| 00:45:08 |
00:45:14 |
I would only say that the |
| 00:45:14 |
00:45:17 |
devil… That getting out of |
| 00:45:17 |
00:45:22 |
something always costs more
than getting into something. |
| 00:45:23 |
00:45:28 |
You know, certainly
there are people who |
| 00:45:28 |
00:45:32 |
can have a couple of drinks and stop. |
| 00:45:32 |
00:45:36 |
There are people who can smoke one |
| 00:45:36 |
00:45:41 |
joint or blunt or whatever
the terminology is and stop. |
| 00:45:41 |
00:45:44 |
But there's also people who, |
| 00:45:44 |
00:45:47 |
once they start trying
something they're |
| 00:45:47 |
00:45:52 |
hooked and you don't
know which one you are, |
| 00:45:52 |
00:45:55 |
you won't know which one you
are until it's too late. |
| 00:45:55 |
00:46:01 |
>> The drug issues didn't come
about until later on in life. |
| 00:46:01 |
00:46:04 |
And when we first met each other, |
| 00:46:04 |
00:46:07 |
I don't believe he
was in drugs at all. |
| 00:46:07 |
00:46:12 |
I believe it was
after the 35 years of |
| 00:46:12 |
00:46:16 |
not seeing each other and not
communicating with each other, |
| 00:46:16 |
00:46:18 |
that his life took a spin. |
| 00:46:18 |
00:46:22 |
And when he told me about it, |
| 00:46:22 |
00:46:24 |
I was a little taken aback |
| 00:46:24 |
00:46:27 |
because I was like a
little afraid at first, |
| 00:46:27 |
00:46:29 |
but I started listening to him and I |
| 00:46:29 |
00:46:31 |
did have true compassion for him. |
| 00:46:31 |
00:46:34 |
>> I was… Before I left Chicago, |
| 00:46:34 |
00:46:38 |
I remember was in November of 1991. |
| 00:46:38 |
00:46:45 |
I was on my way to a drug house
in Chicago when Sunday morning. |
| 00:46:45 |
00:46:49 |
And I went in and bought a bag
of heroin and a bag of cocaine. |
| 00:46:49 |
00:46:54 |
It was a church across the
street from the drug house. |
| 00:46:54 |
00:46:55 |
Matter of fact, there
were two churches |
| 00:46:55 |
00:46:58 |
right there on that corner. |
| 00:46:58 |
00:47:02 |
And I remember walking back
past the church with drugs. |
| 00:47:02 |
00:47:05 |
It was a little, it was
drizzling then, light rain, |
| 00:47:05 |
00:47:10 |
and it was a sermon that was
being preached inside the church. |
| 00:47:10 |
00:47:11 |
The door was open. |
| 00:47:11 |
00:47:16 |
I don't know why, but I can
hear parts of the sermon. |
| 00:47:16 |
00:47:17 |
I can hear the sermon
was being preached, |
| 00:47:17 |
00:47:22 |
it was about a Prodigal
Son, and the sermon, |
| 00:47:22 |
00:47:24 |
it was getting to me. |
| 00:47:24 |
00:47:26 |
I knew the story cause I had |
| 00:47:26 |
00:47:29 |
preached that sermon
myself several times, |
| 00:47:29 |
00:47:32 |
you know, before I left the church. |
| 00:47:32 |
00:47:36 |
And so, but anyway, it
was different then. |
| 00:47:36 |
00:47:37 |
And I sat there. |
| 00:47:37 |
00:47:41 |
It was raining out and I had drugs
in my hand, heroin and cocaine, |
| 00:47:41 |
00:47:44 |
and I sat on the steps
and listen to the sermon, |
| 00:47:44 |
00:47:46 |
and it hit me. |
| 00:47:46 |
00:47:49 |
And I was saying, |
| 00:47:49 |
00:47:53 |
“Lord, I'm so sorry for the
life that I’ve been living. |
| 00:47:53 |
00:47:56 |
Please forgive me for the life I've |
| 00:47:56 |
00:48:00 |
been living.” And I threw the drugs |
| 00:48:00 |
00:48:08 |
away and I walked away from
the drugs that never went, |
| 00:48:08 |
00:48:09 |
well I can't say I
never went back because |
| 00:48:09 |
00:48:12 |
a month later I had relapsed. |
| 00:48:12 |
00:48:17 |
But that was when I quit. |
| 00:48:17 |
00:48:21 |
I remember I was telling
you about Reverend Hodges. |
| 00:48:21 |
00:48:22 |
This was in '85. |
| 00:48:22 |
00:48:25 |
And I told you before about
how sometimes someone |
| 00:48:25 |
00:48:28 |
plants a seed and then
later on, it’s watered. |
| 00:48:28 |
00:48:32 |
Even though Reverend Hodges
planted that seed back in 1985, |
| 00:48:32 |
00:48:34 |
it wasn't till 1991. |
| 00:48:34 |
00:48:36 |
When I was going through this, |
| 00:48:36 |
00:48:39 |
this real backhand of
my drug addiction, |
| 00:48:39 |
00:48:42 |
that it really hit home. |
| 00:48:42 |
00:48:44 |
And then it capped off by hearing |
| 00:48:44 |
00:48:48 |
that sermon in the rain
that Sunday morning. |
| 00:48:48 |
00:48:51 |
And then that's what
was when I decided, |
| 00:48:51 |
00:48:56 |
no, I can't do this
anymore, and so I quit. |
| 00:48:56 |
00:48:57 |
I put my faith in God. |
| 00:48:57 |
00:48:59 |
God is the one that delivered me |
| 00:48:59 |
00:49:01 |
from the drugs in the
first place, it wasn't me. |
| 00:49:01 |
00:49:03 |
It was God who delivered me, |
| 00:49:03 |
00:49:05 |
so I trust in him |
| 00:49:05 |
00:49:10 |
to get me over any rough spots
in life that I'm going through. |
| 00:49:10 |
00:49:12 |
Again, it’s surrounding yourself with |
| 00:49:12 |
00:49:15 |
people who will hold you accountable, |
| 00:49:15 |
00:49:16 |
people who love you. |
| 00:49:16 |
00:49:20 |
When I messed up, I slipped
back the first time, |
| 00:49:20 |
00:49:22 |
cause I was clean for maybe a month. |
| 00:49:22 |
00:49:25 |
And I was thinking that I could |
| 00:49:25 |
00:49:30 |
go and be around the same folks
that I used to hang out with, |
| 00:49:30 |
00:49:33 |
and it wouldn't affect me. |
| 00:49:33 |
00:49:39 |
Not true. I remember when I
was taking flute lessons, |
| 00:49:39 |
00:49:40 |
when I was living in San Diego. |
| 00:49:40 |
00:49:42 |
I was a jazz fan. |
| 00:49:42 |
00:49:44 |
I wanted to play like Herbie Mann and |
| 00:49:44 |
00:49:47 |
Hubert Laws and Yusef Lateef. |
| 00:49:47 |
00:49:51 |
And I started taking flute
lessons every Saturday. |
| 00:49:51 |
00:49:54 |
After a couple of weeks of lessons, |
| 00:49:54 |
00:49:59 |
I remember on one of
Herbie Mann's albums, |
| 00:49:59 |
00:50:00 |
it was pictures of him
playing the flute. |
| 00:50:00 |
00:50:02 |
And he's his hands, |
| 00:50:02 |
00:50:05 |
his fingers were going way up
and down, way up and down, |
| 00:50:05 |
00:50:08 |
and so when I was taking that lesson, |
| 00:50:08 |
00:50:09 |
I was doing the same thing. |
| 00:50:09 |
00:50:13 |
My fingers are going to
weigh up off of the keys, |
| 00:50:13 |
00:50:15 |
and my teacher told
me, you can't do that. |
| 00:50:15 |
00:50:16 |
You gotta have your fingers right |
| 00:50:16 |
00:50:18 |
on the keys and just
play them like that, |
| 00:50:18 |
00:50:20 |
but I was saying, “Now Herbie Mann… |
| 00:50:20 |
00:50:22 |
I saw a picture of Herbie Mann, |
| 00:50:22 |
00:50:26 |
now his fingers were way up
off the thing!” He said, “No, |
| 00:50:26 |
00:50:28 |
you have to have your fingers close.” |
| 00:50:28 |
00:50:30 |
Now I wanted to do like Herbie man, |
| 00:50:30 |
00:50:32 |
but like the thing was, |
| 00:50:32 |
00:50:36 |
Herbie Mann been playing was
playing flute for decades, |
| 00:50:36 |
00:50:38 |
I was playing for a week or two. |
| 00:50:38 |
00:50:41 |
So the point I'm trying to say is, |
| 00:50:41 |
00:50:43 |
I couldn't do the same
stuff he was doing |
| 00:50:43 |
00:50:45 |
because he was experienced |
| 00:50:45 |
00:50:46 |
at it and had been
doing it for a while, |
| 00:50:46 |
00:50:48 |
so he can let his fingers fly around. |
| 00:50:48 |
00:50:50 |
I'm just starting this thing. |
| 00:50:50 |
00:50:56 |
So it's the same thing with someone
who is trying to be drug free, |
| 00:50:56 |
00:50:58 |
what happened was, okay, |
| 00:50:58 |
00:51:01 |
I've been clean for a
month and I thought that I |
| 00:51:01 |
00:51:03 |
can go around folk who
were still using it, |
| 00:51:03 |
00:51:04 |
and it won't affect me. |
| 00:51:04 |
00:51:06 |
No, it don’t happened that way. |
| 00:51:06 |
00:51:10 |
I can now, because I've
been clean for decades, |
| 00:51:10 |
00:51:13 |
but back then, I'd been
clean for a week or two. |
| 00:51:13 |
00:51:16 |
And so, no, surround
yourself with folk |
| 00:51:16 |
00:51:20 |
who are not living in that lifestyle, |
| 00:51:20 |
00:51:24 |
you have a better chance of being
successful in your recovery. |
| 00:51:24 |
00:51:25 |
>> You know when you, |
| 00:51:25 |
00:51:27 |
when you grew up in |
| 00:51:27 |
00:51:31 |
the streets or been in
the streets for so long, |
| 00:51:31 |
00:51:35 |
that's what you know, and
then to come out of that, |
| 00:51:35 |
00:51:38 |
it's almost like a whole new world. |
| 00:51:38 |
00:51:40 |
Like what, you know, |
| 00:51:40 |
00:51:44 |
and then those old
insecurities kick in. |
| 00:51:44 |
00:51:47 |
And then we tried it to cope
because we cope with drugs. |
| 00:51:47 |
00:51:50 |
You know, that that was our
coping mechanism, you know? |
| 00:51:50 |
00:51:53 |
So whenever it costs,
as long as we live, |
| 00:51:53 |
00:51:54 |
it's going to be problems, |
| 00:51:54 |
00:51:55 |
it's going to be disappointments. |
| 00:51:55 |
00:51:59 |
It's going to be violence you know, |
| 00:51:59 |
00:52:03 |
in the way we used to cope
with it was to go in use. |
| 00:52:03 |
00:52:08 |
You know, God gives us another
alternative, a better alternative. |
| 00:52:08 |
00:52:11 |
>> The 121st Psalm, |
| 00:52:11 |
00:52:14 |
I remember when I was deep
into my addiction, my father, |
| 00:52:14 |
00:52:19 |
one day, he told me to read
that scripture every day. |
| 00:52:19 |
00:52:21 |
And I did, it was 121st Psalm. |
| 00:52:21 |
00:52:23 |
I would lift up my eyes to the hills, |
| 00:52:23 |
00:52:26 |
my help comes from the Lord
who made heaven and earth. |
| 00:52:26 |
00:52:29 |
And going on… and I
remember every morning |
| 00:52:29 |
00:52:34 |
before I would go to do anything, |
| 00:52:34 |
00:52:36 |
my Bible was always on |
| 00:52:36 |
00:52:39 |
the dresser and it was
open to that scripture. |
| 00:52:40 |
00:52:43 |
And I remember a
couple of times there |
| 00:52:43 |
00:52:45 |
was friends of mine who
come up to my room, |
| 00:52:45 |
00:52:47 |
we getting ready to
shoot up and get high. |
| 00:52:47 |
00:52:49 |
And they wanted to close the Bible. |
| 00:52:49 |
00:52:50 |
No, don't touch the Bible, |
| 00:52:50 |
00:52:52 |
leave that Bible open right there. |
| 00:52:52 |
00:52:56 |
You know? Cause that
was just a thing. |
| 00:52:56 |
00:53:00 |
It was something my father… I
felt like my father gave me that. |
| 00:53:00 |
00:53:06 |
And so that's my
scripture, 121st Psalm. |
| 00:53:06 |
00:53:08 |
And I remember when I was in |
| 00:53:08 |
00:53:10 |
the prison and I forgot
which one I was in, |
| 00:53:10 |
00:53:12 |
I think it was Centralia. |
| 00:53:12 |
00:53:15 |
It was after I had, |
| 00:53:15 |
00:53:18 |
it was after incidence
with Reverend Hodges. |
| 00:53:18 |
00:53:23 |
I was walking around the prison
yard one day by myself and I was |
| 00:53:23 |
00:53:29 |
praying and I heard the
voice of God clearer, |
| 00:53:29 |
00:53:31 |
or as clear as I've ever heard Him. |
| 00:53:31 |
00:53:33 |
He said, just like I said, |
| 00:53:33 |
00:53:36 |
Reverend Hodges into the
prison to rescue you, |
| 00:53:36 |
00:53:37 |
I'm going to send you back into |
| 00:53:37 |
00:53:39 |
the prison to rescue
my other children. |
| 00:53:39 |
00:53:41 |
And at that time I wasn't preaching, |
| 00:53:41 |
00:53:46 |
I was still in prison
myself, but He said that. |
| 00:53:46 |
00:53:49 |
And so I wouldn't feeling it, |
| 00:53:49 |
00:53:50 |
cause I wouldn't even understanding |
| 00:53:50 |
00:53:52 |
it because I wasn't a preacher. |
| 00:53:52 |
00:53:55 |
I wasn't even back
in church, for real. |
| 00:53:55 |
00:53:57 |
I mean, not on the outside anyway, |
| 00:53:57 |
00:54:00 |
but then that's what happened. |
| 00:54:00 |
00:54:03 |
And being clean, I'm
able to do stuff. |
| 00:54:03 |
00:54:06 |
I'm able to help people. |
| 00:54:06 |
00:54:09 |
I'm able to help other folks who are |
| 00:54:09 |
00:54:12 |
going through the same
stuff that I went through. |
| 00:54:12 |
00:54:14 |
I can help them to get
past their addictions. |
| 00:54:14 |
00:54:17 |
I can give them advice. |
| 00:54:17 |
00:54:22 |
A lot of times what people need
when they come out of prison, |
| 00:54:22 |
00:54:24 |
a lot of people are in jail, |
| 00:54:24 |
00:54:26 |
in prisons because of drug addiction. |
| 00:54:26 |
00:54:28 |
A lot of them were not really, |
| 00:54:28 |
00:54:29 |
they're not bad people. |
| 00:54:29 |
00:54:32 |
They did some dumb stuff
because they were addicted. |
| 00:54:32 |
00:54:35 |
And so if we can help
them get past that point, |
| 00:54:35 |
00:54:38 |
then we can help them do a
lot of other things in life. |
| 00:54:38 |
00:54:40 |
My biggest regret is |
| 00:54:40 |
00:54:43 |
the hurt and the pain
that I caused my family, |
| 00:54:43 |
00:54:45 |
that I was always going to jail. |
| 00:54:45 |
00:54:52 |
My family had so much hope for
me, and I disappointed them. |
| 00:54:52 |
00:54:55 |
At first, when I was
doing criminal stuff, |
| 00:54:55 |
00:54:58 |
I was… I called myself
“Nickel Slick” you know. |
| 00:54:58 |
00:55:01 |
I was able to talk folk out of stuff, |
| 00:55:01 |
00:55:04 |
but when it came down toward the end, |
| 00:55:04 |
00:55:09 |
the way that I used to
make money by ripping off |
| 00:55:09 |
00:55:12 |
other drug dealers and ripping off |
| 00:55:12 |
00:55:15 |
banks and stores and doing all
of that, and that was fine. |
| 00:55:15 |
00:55:17 |
I got to a point where |
| 00:55:18 |
00:55:21 |
I wasn't making money off
of the dealers anymore. |
| 00:55:21 |
00:55:24 |
I wasn't ripping off the banks |
| 00:55:24 |
00:55:27 |
or the stores or the businesses
and all of that anymore, |
| 00:55:27 |
00:55:30 |
I was ripping off my people, |
| 00:55:30 |
00:55:36 |
my family, the church, |
| 00:55:36 |
00:55:38 |
my father's church, my aunt’s church. |
| 00:55:38 |
00:55:44 |
And that was something that before, |
| 00:55:44 |
00:55:47 |
a long time ago, would
have been unacceptable. |
| 00:55:48 |
00:55:52 |
I was no longer that
slick talking con-man, |
| 00:55:52 |
00:55:55 |
now I was just a drug addict, |
| 00:55:55 |
00:55:57 |
a dope fiend who would
steal anything from |
| 00:55:57 |
00:56:01 |
anybody to support my habit. |
| 00:56:01 |
00:56:03 |
And looking back on that, |
| 00:56:04 |
00:56:06 |
that was the beginning
of where I said, |
| 00:56:06 |
00:56:13 |
“Okay, this has gone too far.”
That was my rock bottom. |
| 00:56:13 |
00:56:17 |
When I started… When I was stealing
from family the way I was, |
| 00:56:17 |
00:56:20 |
and I was hurting
family the way I was, |
| 00:56:20 |
00:56:23 |
that I couldn't… That
was unacceptable to me. |
| 00:56:23 |
00:56:27 |
I never stopped believing,
stopped believing in God. |
| 00:56:27 |
00:56:31 |
And I know that looking
back on things, |
| 00:56:31 |
00:56:39 |
that stuff that I thought that
I was able to accomplish, |
| 00:56:39 |
00:56:43 |
even during those
times… Case in point, |
| 00:56:43 |
00:56:46 |
when I was in prison, it |
| 00:56:46 |
00:56:50 |
was a lot of guys that were
getting messed over, messed up. |
| 00:56:50 |
00:56:53 |
People getting shanked,
people getting raped, |
| 00:56:53 |
00:56:55 |
people… Stuff was
happening in a folk, |
| 00:56:55 |
00:56:58 |
but nothing ever happened to me. |
| 00:56:58 |
00:57:00 |
And I thought it was because
of the way I carried myself. |
| 00:57:00 |
00:57:02 |
I thought I was carrying
myself with an aura of, “Okay. |
| 00:57:02 |
00:57:05 |
Don't mess with me.” But
thinking back on it, |
| 00:57:05 |
00:57:08 |
I realized it was God
had his hand on me. |
| 00:57:08 |
00:57:11 |
It wasn't how I carried
myself or what I was doing. |
| 00:57:11 |
00:57:13 |
It had nothing to do with that. |
| 00:57:13 |
00:57:16 |
Nothing happened to me because
God had his hand on me, |
| 00:57:16 |
00:57:19 |
because it was guys that
were bigger, tougher, |
| 00:57:19 |
00:57:21 |
stronger than I was, |
| 00:57:21 |
00:57:23 |
who was getting messed up, |
| 00:57:23 |
00:57:25 |
but nothing happened to me, |
| 00:57:25 |
00:57:27 |
and it wasn't because of
me. It was because of God. |
| 00:57:27 |
00:57:33 |
>> I was heard of last
December, December 5th, |
| 00:57:33 |
00:57:36 |
working for cellular city refuge, |
| 00:57:36 |
00:57:41 |
South city over here and I
attracted blood poisoning. |
| 00:57:41 |
00:57:44 |
In the next 24 hours, |
| 00:57:44 |
00:57:48 |
I was crushed by a 500
yard waste dumpster |
| 00:57:48 |
00:57:51 |
and lacerated three fingers, |
| 00:57:51 |
00:57:54 |
broke my shoulder, my knee, |
| 00:57:54 |
00:57:56 |
my ankle and so on. |
| 00:57:56 |
00:58:02 |
I wind up self-medicating
while I was on the job, |
| 00:58:02 |
00:58:07 |
going through rehab for |
| 00:58:07 |
00:58:12 |
the injury and it was so gratifying
to bring the new year in, |
| 00:58:12 |
00:58:14 |
and I couldn't even
wipe my own backside. |
| 00:58:14 |
00:58:16 |
One hand was infected with |
| 00:58:16 |
00:58:20 |
blood poisoning and other three
fingers had been sawed off, |
| 00:58:20 |
00:58:22 |
but you would think
that was God's way of |
| 00:58:22 |
00:58:24 |
telling me to slow down. I never did. |
| 00:58:24 |
00:58:28 |
I walked away from my
job with the city. |
| 00:58:28 |
00:58:31 |
I walked away from a house, |
| 00:58:31 |
00:58:34 |
a good woman who held
me up and held me down, |
| 00:58:34 |
00:58:38 |
but she didn't deserve
what I gave her. |
| 00:58:38 |
00:58:41 |
Each time, I would
revisit those demons. |
| 00:58:41 |
00:58:44 |
I would bring those demons
into her life as well, |
| 00:58:44 |
00:58:46 |
which she deserved better. |
| 00:58:46 |
00:58:49 |
>> I don't miss anything
about the life. |
| 00:58:49 |
00:58:53 |
That was a life that I
thought that I liked, |
| 00:58:53 |
00:58:55 |
that I was enjoying
while I was doing it, |
| 00:58:55 |
00:58:57 |
but looking back on that, |
| 00:58:57 |
00:59:00 |
there's nothing that
I miss about that. |
| 00:59:00 |
00:59:04 |
I do miss some of the people
that I was associated with, |
| 00:59:04 |
00:59:06 |
some of my friends at the time. |
| 00:59:06 |
00:59:09 |
I think about some of
them from time to time, |
| 00:59:09 |
00:59:13 |
but I knew that if I really
wanted to stay away from |
| 00:59:13 |
00:59:15 |
that lifestyle and get away from
the drugs and get away from that, |
| 00:59:15 |
00:59:17 |
I had to separate myself from them. |
| 00:59:17 |
00:59:22 |
And that's why I left and
I stayed away from them. |
| 00:59:22 |
00:59:24 |
And that whole lifestyle, |
| 00:59:24 |
00:59:28 |
a lot of them I haven't
seen for over 20 years. |
| 00:59:28 |
00:59:32 |
My friend Red was first
person I was arrested with, |
| 00:59:32 |
00:59:37 |
they found him at a hotel
room with his throat cut. |
| 00:59:37 |
00:59:38 |
And then there was a Butch, |
| 00:59:38 |
00:59:40 |
a friend of mine that I grew up with. |
| 00:59:40 |
00:59:44 |
We used to get high together. |
| 00:59:44 |
00:59:45 |
He overdosed. |
| 00:59:45 |
00:59:50 |
They found him dead
from a drug overdose. |
| 00:59:50 |
00:59:57 |
My friend Fuzzy, Fuzzy
was a long time friend, |
| 00:59:57 |
00:59:59 |
and matter of fact, I'm the
one that started him to |
| 00:59:59 |
01:00:01 |
shoot heroin and cocaine. |
| 01:00:01 |
01:00:04 |
Just like Tadpole started
me, I started Fuzzy. |
| 01:00:04 |
01:00:06 |
Tadpole was the first one who
stuck a needle in my arm, |
| 01:00:06 |
01:00:09 |
I was the first one who stuck
a needle in Fuzzy's arm. |
| 01:00:09 |
01:00:12 |
And I found out that I heard one day |
| 01:00:12 |
01:00:20 |
that Fuzzy’s grandmother
found him in his bedroom, |
| 01:00:20 |
01:00:24 |
laying on the floor, dead
with a needle in his arm. |
| 01:00:24 |
01:00:26 |
That hurt a lot, |
| 01:00:26 |
01:00:30 |
when I found out about
my friend Fuzzy. |
| 01:00:30 |
01:00:36 |
But that's the dangers
of the drug life. |
| 01:00:36 |
01:00:39 |
There are others that
I've heard about. |
| 01:00:39 |
01:00:43 |
They're doing quite well now, |
| 01:00:43 |
01:00:47 |
one was my friend Tadpole, |
| 01:00:47 |
01:00:49 |
as I said before,
Tadpole was one of the |
| 01:00:49 |
01:00:51 |
first to stick a needle in my arm. |
| 01:00:51 |
01:00:53 |
We got high together for years, |
| 01:00:53 |
01:00:55 |
and it was on one of my visits to |
| 01:00:55 |
01:00:59 |
Chicago that I was
talking to Tadpole, |
| 01:00:59 |
01:01:01 |
and I was able to
lead them to Christ. |
| 01:01:01 |
01:01:05 |
Sometime later Tadpole gave
up the drugs, even after 20, |
| 01:01:05 |
01:01:07 |
30-something years of doing drugs, |
| 01:01:07 |
01:01:12 |
he was delivered from that lifestyle. |
| 01:01:12 |
01:01:18 |
And he was clean for well over
15 years before he passed. |
| 01:01:18 |
01:01:19 |
He died last year, |
| 01:01:19 |
01:01:21 |
I preached his funeral, |
| 01:01:21 |
01:01:22 |
but at least I know |
| 01:01:22 |
01:01:28 |
that he had better quality of
life during all of that time. |
| 01:01:28 |
01:01:33 |
I was arrested when… I went
to jail one time and I said, |
| 01:01:33 |
01:01:36 |
“Man, I am so tired of going to jail. |
| 01:01:36 |
01:01:40 |
I'm tired of going to jail!”
And then I said, |
| 01:01:40 |
01:01:43 |
“I wonder how many times I've
been locked up?” And I started |
| 01:01:43 |
01:01:47 |
counting and I started counting
and I started counting then, |
| 01:01:47 |
01:01:50 |
when I got to 30, I stopped counting. |
| 01:01:50 |
01:01:54 |
I got depressed when I got to 30
and I wasn't finished though, |
| 01:01:54 |
01:01:56 |
I still had some others,
I just quit counting. |
| 01:01:56 |
01:01:57 |
And to answer your question, |
| 01:01:57 |
01:01:59 |
I don't know how many times I’ve
been arrested. I don’t know. |
| 01:01:59 |
01:02:01 |
I know it was more than 30. |
| 01:02:01 |
01:02:03 |
And I remember even now, |
| 01:02:03 |
01:02:05 |
when I’m doing up
the prison ministry, |
| 01:02:05 |
01:02:07 |
it was one of the prisons that I |
| 01:02:07 |
01:02:10 |
was putting an application
to, to go do ministry. |
| 01:02:10 |
01:02:12 |
And I fill out an application
and then when they did |
| 01:02:12 |
01:02:15 |
the background, check on me, |
| 01:02:15 |
01:02:16 |
they called me in to see if they had |
| 01:02:16 |
01:02:18 |
to deny my application because I |
| 01:02:18 |
01:02:22 |
didn't list all of my
arrests on the application. |
| 01:02:22 |
01:02:24 |
I said, “I don't know
of all my arrests. |
| 01:02:24 |
01:02:26 |
Most of the time I was
high when I got arrested, |
| 01:02:26 |
01:02:28 |
I didn't even know I was arrested! |
| 01:02:28 |
01:02:32 |
I don't know.” So to
answer your question, |
| 01:02:32 |
01:02:33 |
I've been arrested over 30 times. |
| 01:02:33 |
01:02:36 |
I've been to prison three times, |
| 01:02:36 |
01:02:39 |
twice I was sentenced and one
was on a parole violation. |
| 01:02:39 |
01:02:43 |
But when you asked how many
times I've been arrested, |
| 01:02:43 |
01:02:45 |
all I can say was more than 30. |
| 01:02:45 |
01:02:51 |
God might tell you to go in a
certain direction and you say, |
| 01:02:51 |
01:02:53 |
“I don't know about that.” You know, |
| 01:02:53 |
01:02:56 |
but you have to trust Him. |
| 01:02:56 |
01:02:59 |
Example. When I was in the
Marines, I played football. |
| 01:02:59 |
01:03:02 |
The quarterback would
call the play and |
| 01:03:02 |
01:03:05 |
then I was supposed to be
running down the field, |
| 01:03:05 |
01:03:07 |
and I had blockers. |
| 01:03:07 |
01:03:10 |
I had blockers who was supposed
to be blocking for me. |
| 01:03:10 |
01:03:14 |
But the play was I supposed
to go to the right. |
| 01:03:14 |
01:03:17 |
And when I get ready
to go to the right, |
| 01:03:17 |
01:03:19 |
I look up and I see all
those folks over there, |
| 01:03:19 |
01:03:21 |
I said, “Nah, I don't
want to go that way. |
| 01:03:21 |
01:03:23 |
That don't look good.”
So I'm going the other way, |
| 01:03:23 |
01:03:26 |
but the play was called
for me to go to the right. |
| 01:03:26 |
01:03:30 |
So all the blockers are set
up to block on the right, |
| 01:03:30 |
01:03:32 |
but I don't like what
I'm seeing on the right. |
| 01:03:32 |
01:03:34 |
It looks better down the left, |
| 01:03:34 |
01:03:36 |
so I'm going to the left. |
| 01:03:36 |
01:03:37 |
And that's what happened
with us sometimes. |
| 01:03:37 |
01:03:41 |
God has a plan for us |
| 01:03:41 |
01:03:45 |
to go one way but we don't
like what we see that way, |
| 01:03:45 |
01:03:47 |
so now we want to, “No,
I want to do that. |
| 01:03:47 |
01:03:49 |
I'm going this way.”
But you’ve got to trust |
| 01:03:49 |
01:03:53 |
God that he knows what's happening. |
| 01:03:53 |
01:03:54 |
He told you to go that way because he |
| 01:03:54 |
01:03:56 |
knows what it was over there, |
| 01:03:56 |
01:03:58 |
“Oh, that looks alright, right now. |
| 01:03:58 |
01:04:00 |
But when you get over there, |
| 01:04:00 |
01:04:01 |
then there's something over there |
| 01:04:01 |
01:04:04 |
that you don't want
to get involved in, |
| 01:04:04 |
01:04:05 |
or you don't want happening.” |
| 01:04:05 |
01:04:07 |
So trust God and go to
where he told you to go. |
| 01:04:07 |
01:04:10 |
>> Taking on a heroin addiction, |
| 01:04:10 |
01:04:14 |
fentanyl addiction with a crack
addiction and everything else. |
| 01:04:14 |
01:04:18 |
I told a girl that I was getting
high with, nothing sexual. |
| 01:04:18 |
01:04:19 |
I told her she could leave. |
| 01:04:19 |
01:04:22 |
Friend of mine gave me a loaded gun |
| 01:04:22 |
01:04:24 |
and God would have |
| 01:04:24 |
01:04:27 |
it my little brother opened up
the door and he intervened. |
| 01:04:27 |
01:04:28 |
Let me do what I did with |
| 01:04:28 |
01:04:30 |
the drugs, finished the
rest of the liquor, |
| 01:04:30 |
01:04:35 |
the crack and heroin and fentanyl
and tricked me into his truck. |
| 01:04:35 |
01:04:37 |
Proceeded to go to St. Mary's. |
| 01:04:37 |
01:04:43 |
He sat on the parking lot to
see if I was gonna leave, |
| 01:04:43 |
01:04:48 |
which after they took me to
the back, I felt a calmness, |
| 01:04:48 |
01:04:54 |
but I got, I guess I got out of
control once I got back there. |
| 01:04:54 |
01:04:55 |
And I told the lady, |
| 01:04:55 |
01:04:59 |
if she let me… They let me out
of her in the next 24 hours, |
| 01:04:59 |
01:05:01 |
I was going to end my life. |
| 01:05:01 |
01:05:05 |
And they transported
me to DePaul Hospital. |
| 01:05:05 |
01:05:14 |
And I was bound in a straitjacket
for a day and a half, |
| 01:05:14 |
01:05:16 |
on my knees, praying if I |
| 01:05:16 |
01:05:19 |
got another chance that
I would go somewhere. |
| 01:05:19 |
01:05:21 |
Wasn't going to take my
life and I wasn't going |
| 01:05:21 |
01:05:23 |
back to that misery and that storm. |
| 01:05:23 |
01:05:26 |
Some of the decisions I made took |
| 01:05:26 |
01:05:29 |
me out of God's will
at that point in time, |
| 01:05:29 |
01:05:31 |
but never out of his reach. |
| 01:05:31 |
01:05:34 |
I've been clean 86 days
by the grace of God. |
| 01:05:34 |
01:05:37 |
This is the longest I've
been sober in five years. |
| 01:05:37 |
01:05:39 |
Some of these guys, I love them. |
| 01:05:39 |
01:05:41 |
Some of them I'm never
going to see again, |
| 01:05:41 |
01:05:43 |
but without any of these guys, |
| 01:05:43 |
01:05:45 |
I probably wouldn't be where I'm at. |
| 01:05:45 |
01:05:48 |
>> For those who were not able
to beat their addictions, |
| 01:05:48 |
01:05:52 |
there are one of several
places that they may |
| 01:05:52 |
01:05:56 |
end up: they’ll end up in prison, |
| 01:05:56 |
01:06:01 |
or they will end up
dead, an early death. |
| 01:06:01 |
01:06:03 |
One thing my father used to say was |
| 01:06:03 |
01:06:05 |
“Everything that feels
good to you is not |
| 01:06:05 |
01:06:08 |
good for you.” And that's
the advice that you should, |
| 01:06:08 |
01:06:10 |
that I would give to
a 20 year old or just |
| 01:06:10 |
01:06:12 |
cause the drug feels good, |
| 01:06:12 |
01:06:17 |
the high feels good, or
that the drink tastes good, |
| 01:06:17 |
01:06:19 |
that don’t mean it’s good for you. |
| 01:06:19 |
01:06:22 |
Later on down the road,
you're going to pay for it. |
| 01:06:22 |
01:06:26 |
A lot of times we think that
everything is about us, but it's not. |
| 01:06:26 |
01:06:31 |
It's about God, God is
the one who delivered me. |
| 01:06:31 |
01:06:33 |
That's why there's a
lot of stuff that God |
| 01:06:33 |
01:06:36 |
allowed me to go through because
he saw the other side of it, |
| 01:06:36 |
01:06:37 |
when I was going through it, |
| 01:06:37 |
01:06:39 |
it was painful. I didn't like it. |
| 01:06:39 |
01:06:42 |
I didn't like the outcome anyway, |
| 01:06:42 |
01:06:44 |
but where I am now, |
| 01:06:44 |
01:06:50 |
I'm able to walk in my
purpose and to help folk. |
| 01:06:50 |
01:06:52 |
And that's what God put me here for, |
| 01:06:52 |
01:06:53 |
and yes, he gets all the praise, |
| 01:06:53 |
01:06:57 |
honor and the glory because of
what he has done through me. |
| 01:06:57 |
01:06:59 |
Trying to try to stay clean, |
| 01:06:59 |
01:07:03 |
is not as, it's not always as
easy as someone thinks it is. |
| 01:07:03 |
01:07:06 |
Sometimes you going to have relapses. |
| 01:07:06 |
01:07:09 |
You have relapses, but like my |
| 01:07:09 |
01:07:12 |
father… I heard him
say one time, “Son, |
| 01:07:12 |
01:07:14 |
if you slip and fall in the mud, |
| 01:07:14 |
01:07:15 |
don't just lay there
and wallow in it, |
| 01:07:15 |
01:07:18 |
get up, clean yourself
off and keep on stepping. |
| 01:07:18 |
01:07:21 |
If you fall down again, get up again. |
| 01:07:21 |
01:07:23 |
If you fall down again, get up again. |
| 01:07:23 |
01:07:24 |
If you keep falling down, |
| 01:07:24 |
01:07:27 |
keep getting up.” And that's
the message I want to give |
| 01:07:27 |
01:07:31 |
the folk who are trying to
get clean up, stay clean. |
| 01:07:31 |
01:07:34 |
Just because they relapse
or fall back or something, |
| 01:07:34 |
01:07:36 |
then don't give up, |
| 01:07:36 |
01:07:37 |
you know, say, “Okay,
I can't do this.” |
| 01:07:37 |
01:07:41 |
No, just get up, clean yourself
off and keep on stepping. |
| 01:07:41 |
01:07:43 |
If you fall down again, get up again. |
| 01:07:43 |
01:07:45 |
If you fall down again
and get up again, |
| 01:07:45 |
01:07:47 |
if you keep falling
down, keep getting up. |
| 01:07:47 |
01:07:54 |
>> Rock bottom was
in December of '92. |
| 01:07:54 |
01:07:57 |
I became homeless,
living on the street, |
| 01:07:57 |
01:07:59 |
going from shelter to shelter, |
| 01:07:59 |
01:08:03 |
and so from 2003 to now, |
| 01:08:03 |
01:08:08 |
I've been using the scriptures
as my standard for living. |
| 01:08:08 |
01:08:10 |
And I believe the Lord has let me |
| 01:08:10 |
01:08:12 |
see recovery throughout
the scripture. |
| 01:08:12 |
01:08:15 |
So I've been, whether it was |
| 01:08:15 |
01:08:18 |
in the meetings or in the
churches I belong to, |
| 01:08:18 |
01:08:22 |
I was always serving in
one capacity or another. |
| 01:08:22 |
01:08:32 |
Service to me is a tangible
expression of your gratitude. |
| 01:08:32 |
01:08:35 |
And one of the clichés
that you'll hear, |
| 01:08:35 |
01:08:37 |
if you stay around
the 12 step movement, |
| 01:08:37 |
01:08:41 |
is that a grateful
addict will never use. |
| 01:08:41 |
01:08:44 |
I got cleaned at the age of 45. |
| 01:08:44 |
01:08:50 |
You know, at 45, I just felt
that for the most part, |
| 01:08:50 |
01:08:55 |
most of us have lived more
than half of our lives |
| 01:08:55 |
01:08:58 |
and just the fear of going back |
| 01:08:58 |
01:09:01 |
out there kept me doing
what I suppose to. |
| 01:09:01 |
01:09:02 |
That's one of the things
that kept me doing |
| 01:09:02 |
01:09:04 |
what I was supposed to do. |
| 01:09:04 |
01:09:09 |
And then, my lifestyle changed
in terms of what I was doing, |
| 01:09:09 |
01:09:11 |
who I did it with and where I did it, |
| 01:09:11 |
01:09:13 |
the people, places and things. |
| 01:09:13 |
01:09:18 |
So those are all key
components of staying clean. |
| 01:09:18 |
01:09:22 |
And then, of course you’re tempted. |
| 01:09:22 |
01:09:25 |
That's when… Prayer works, |
| 01:09:25 |
01:09:28 |
prayer works, prayer works. |
| 01:09:28 |
01:09:31 |
Because the evil one will get you. |
| 01:09:31 |
01:09:33 |
He's always after you, |
| 01:09:33 |
01:09:35 |
but he'll jump on you
when you least expect it. |
| 01:09:35 |
01:09:37 |
And that's when you
call on scripture, |
| 01:09:37 |
01:09:40 |
that's when you call
on the literature. |
| 01:09:40 |
01:09:43 |
That's when you just
hold on tight and say, |
| 01:09:43 |
01:09:48 |
I'm not going to use today because, |
| 01:09:48 |
01:09:54 |
the urge does subside
the earth does a lessen. |
| 01:09:54 |
01:09:57 |
The disease of addiction
would have you |
| 01:09:57 |
01:09:59 |
act on your urge immediately. |
| 01:09:59 |
01:10:03 |
So if you can defer that, |
| 01:10:03 |
01:10:06 |
then you can get it back under, |
| 01:10:06 |
01:10:07 |
under arrest, as they say. |
| 01:10:07 |
01:10:10 |
>> Sitting in a jail
cells in the Cook County, |
| 01:10:10 |
01:10:11 |
jail and in Leavenworth, |
| 01:10:11 |
01:10:14 |
or at Centralia or in Joliet, |
| 01:10:14 |
01:10:18 |
I never thought that a
day like this would come. |
| 01:10:18 |
01:10:24 |
But I thank God for how
far He has brought me. |
| 01:10:24 |
01:10:27 |
I hurt a lot of people. |
| 01:10:27 |
01:10:29 |
I disappointed a lot of people. |
| 01:10:29 |
01:10:32 |
There are consequences to |
| 01:10:32 |
01:10:35 |
your decisions and one
day sooner or later, |
| 01:10:35 |
01:10:36 |
you gotta face the consequences to |
| 01:10:36 |
01:10:39 |
every decision, every
choice you make. |
| 01:10:39 |
01:10:43 |
Because the Bible is full of stories
of people who had messed up, |
| 01:10:43 |
01:10:46 |
but God never gave up on them. |
| 01:10:46 |
01:10:48 |
The heroes of the Bible, |
| 01:10:48 |
01:10:52 |
Peter, Paul, even Jonah, |
| 01:10:52 |
01:10:58 |
you know, who ran away from
what God wanted them to do. |
| 01:10:58 |
01:11:03 |
David, they've all done things
that were contrary to God's will, |
| 01:11:03 |
01:11:05 |
you know, but God still loved |
| 01:11:05 |
01:11:08 |
them and God used them
in a special way. |
| 01:11:09 |
01:11:14 |
And a lot of the
people that I know of, |
| 01:11:14 |
01:11:18 |
not everyone have gone
through some adversity. |
| 01:11:18 |
01:11:21 |
And if you learn from that adversity, |
| 01:11:21 |
01:11:22 |
no matter what it was, |
| 01:11:22 |
01:11:24 |
whether it's jail or prison, |
| 01:11:24 |
01:11:25 |
whether it was drugs, alcohol, |
| 01:11:25 |
01:11:32 |
or whether it's some other
form of addiction or whatever, |
| 01:11:32 |
01:11:37 |
if you learn from that and you're
able to reach others and to |
| 01:11:37 |
01:11:41 |
help them recover from whatever
it is that they're going through, |
| 01:11:41 |
01:11:46 |
then you’ve done, in my opinion, |
| 01:11:46 |
01:11:47 |
what you were supposed to do. |
| 01:11:47 |
01:11:50 |
>> You see it's easy to |
| 01:11:50 |
01:11:53 |
praise God when you up and
things are going on, right? |
| 01:11:53 |
01:11:56 |
But God wants to know if you
will praise him when you down, |
| 01:11:56 |
01:11:58 |
when things are not going right, |
| 01:11:58 |
01:11:59 |
when you are hungry, |
| 01:11:59 |
01:12:02 |
when you've gone through
one situation or another, |
| 01:12:02 |
01:12:05 |
he wants to know if he
will still praise him, |
| 01:12:05 |
01:12:07 |
even in that situation. |
| 01:12:07 |
01:12:11 |
He wants to know that you will
do what He wants you to do. |
| 01:12:11 |
01:12:15 |
And then even in that situation, |
| 01:12:15 |
01:12:17 |
we have to lift up our hands |
| 01:12:17 |
01:12:19 |
and it is not going to
be easy all the time, |
| 01:12:19 |
01:12:20 |
it's not going to be easy. |
| 01:12:20 |
01:12:23 |
God didn't promise us that
things would be easy, |
| 01:12:23 |
01:12:25 |
but He promised us that He would be |
| 01:12:25 |
01:12:27 |
with us and He would hold us up. |
| 01:12:27 |
01:12:30 |
He would hold our hands and
He would carry us through. |
| 01:12:30 |
01:12:32 |
You see, we can't do it on our own. |
| 01:12:32 |
01:12:36 |
Every time I tried to do this
thing on my own, I messed up. |
| 01:12:36 |
01:12:40 |
But it wasn't until I put
myself in God's hands, |
| 01:12:40 |
01:12:43 |
that things got to be
a little bit easier. |
| 01:12:43 |
01:12:47 |
And He carried me through and at
times still get rough sometimes, |
| 01:12:47 |
01:12:49 |
but He was still carrying me. |
| 01:12:49 |
01:12:51 |
I'm not doing this on my own. |
| 01:12:51 |
01:12:53 |
And I'm telling whoever
I'm talking to out here, |
| 01:12:53 |
01:12:55 |
you can do it too if you trust God. |
| 01:12:55 |
01:12:59 |
Stop trying to do it on
your own, trust in God. |
| 01:12:59 |
01:13:02 |
He is the one that can carry
you across the finishing line. |
| 01:13:02 |
01:13:04 |
You can't do it on your own. |
| 01:13:04 |
01:13:08 |
You have to trust God and
be with Him and be the man, |
| 01:13:08 |
01:13:12 |
be the woman, be the child
that God wants you to be. |
| 01:13:12 |
01:13:13 |
And then my friends, |
| 01:13:13 |
01:13:14 |
my brothers and my sister, |
| 01:13:14 |
01:13:20 |
you will be successful and God
will get the glory from your life. |
| 01:13:20 |
01:13:22 |
I was thinking back on my life, |
| 01:13:22 |
01:13:25 |
is there anything that I would
have changed if I could? |
| 01:13:25 |
01:13:28 |
And suddenly thinking about it, |
| 01:13:28 |
01:13:30 |
the answer is no. |
| 01:13:30 |
01:13:32 |
Even all heartache and
pain that I went through, |
| 01:13:32 |
01:13:34 |
I wouldn't change that. |
| 01:13:34 |
01:13:38 |
The time I spent in jails and in
prison, I wouldn't change that. |
| 01:13:38 |
01:13:40 |
Not saying I enjoyed it, |
| 01:13:40 |
01:13:42 |
cause I didn't, but I |
| 01:13:42 |
01:13:46 |
wouldn't change it because all
of that made me who I am now. |
| 01:13:46 |
01:13:49 |
(crowd applauds) |
| 01:13:49 |
01:13:53 |
Being who I am and all the
stuff that I went through, |
| 01:13:53 |
01:13:56 |
I'm able to be a blessing
to some other folks. |
| 01:13:56 |
01:13:58 |
People who I wouldn't
be able to reach, |
| 01:13:58 |
01:14:00 |
people who wouldn't
listen to me unless they |
| 01:14:00 |
01:14:04 |
realized that I've been to
what they are going through. |
| 01:14:04 |
01:14:04 |
>> Good. |
| 01:14:04 |
01:14:06 |
>> When I go into the prison, |
| 01:14:06 |
01:14:08 |
they know that when I talk, |
| 01:14:08 |
01:14:09 |
I'm not just talking about |
| 01:14:09 |
01:14:11 |
some stuff that I read
in a book somewhere, |
| 01:14:11 |
01:14:13 |
no, I'm talking about
stuff that I lived. |
| 01:14:13 |
01:14:17 |
And if I can make it,
you can make it too. |
| 01:14:17 |
01:14:19 |
God's no respecter of person. |
| 01:14:19 |
01:14:25 |
He doesn’t like me or love me
any more than He loves you. |
| 01:14:25 |
01:14:28 |
Your testimony touch me, brother. |
| 01:14:28 |
01:14:30 |
So did yours, and all of
the ones I heard too. |
| 01:14:30 |
01:14:32 |
Yours over there, North side. |
| 01:14:32 |
01:14:39 |
>> Anytime you do drugs or something, |
| 01:14:39 |
01:14:41 |
you are risking your life |
| 01:14:41 |
01:14:44 |
because you never know whether
you going to overdose. |
| 01:14:44 |
01:14:49 |
You never know whether you're
going to get murdered or killed. |
| 01:14:49 |
01:14:50 |
When you're going in
and out of drug house |
| 01:14:50 |
01:14:53 |
after drug house or leaving
from the drug house, |
| 01:14:53 |
01:14:54 |
you never know what's
going to happen. |
| 01:14:54 |
01:14:58 |
So in reality, every time
could be your last time. |
| 01:14:58 |
01:15:00 |
>> Hi everyone. This is Deshaye, |
| 01:15:00 |
01:15:04 |
and the question of the
day is what does it take |
| 01:15:04 |
01:15:07 |
to survive or overcome obstacles?
Dream, drive and support. |
| 01:15:07 |
01:15:13 |
So, first you think of what
you want to do with your life, |
| 01:15:13 |
01:15:17 |
and I know at our age, cause I'm 16. |
| 01:15:17 |
01:15:24 |
And right now I know my dream
is to become a great performer. |
| 01:15:24 |
01:15:26 |
Fame’s not that important, |
| 01:15:26 |
01:15:28 |
money’s not that important, |
| 01:15:28 |
01:15:30 |
but I just want to become
such a good performer that |
| 01:15:30 |
01:15:33 |
I affect somebody with my talent, |
| 01:15:33 |
01:15:36 |
change the world in some
way, shape or form. |
| 01:15:36 |
01:15:37 |
Even if it's just a little bit, |
| 01:15:37 |
01:15:40 |
it’s the little bit that counts. |
| 01:15:40 |
01:15:44 |
>> I was asked recently to put
what I say to someone who, |
| 01:15:44 |
01:15:47 |
who was going to do drugs
that at night and then |
| 01:15:47 |
01:15:50 |
ended up being their last time. |
| 01:15:50 |
01:15:52 |
What would I say to them? |
| 01:15:52 |
01:15:54 |
And I'm not arrogant enough to think |
| 01:15:54 |
01:15:59 |
that what I can say would change
the situation. I don't know. |
| 01:15:59 |
01:16:05 |
I don't know what I can tell
someone who doesn't know me, |
| 01:16:05 |
01:16:08 |
not to do this or not |
| 01:16:08 |
01:16:10 |
to keep taking changes
chances with their life. |
| 01:16:10 |
01:16:14 |
I would ask the person
if I can pray with them. |
| 01:16:14 |
01:16:17 |
Now you notice, I didn't
say pray for them. |
| 01:16:17 |
01:16:19 |
I said, pray with them. |
| 01:16:19 |
01:16:22 |
And that is, and while I'm |
| 01:16:22 |
01:16:28 |
praying is that I would pray for
his or her safety and for him |
| 01:16:28 |
01:16:32 |
or her to make good choices |
| 01:16:33 |
01:16:36 |
and hopefully God will lead me to say |
| 01:16:36 |
01:16:39 |
something in that prayer
that they will hear, |
| 01:16:39 |
01:16:42 |
and it will prick or
touch their heart to |
| 01:16:42 |
01:16:45 |
give them second thoughts about
what they're about to do. |
| 01:16:45 |
01:16:49 |
Because whatever I say… Nothing I |
| 01:16:49 |
01:16:52 |
say that comes from me is
going to help any situation. |
| 01:16:52 |
01:16:56 |
I have to trust God that He
will say something through me, |
| 01:16:56 |
01:16:58 |
or give me something to say, |
| 01:16:59 |
01:17:03 |
to reach that person or to
change that person's mind, |
| 01:17:03 |
01:17:06 |
or at least give them
pause to say, “Huh? |
| 01:17:06 |
01:17:09 |
Maybe I shouldn't do
that tonight.” And then |
| 01:17:09 |
01:17:12 |
trust God to do what He does. |
| 01:17:12 |
01:17:16 |
Heavenly father, I thank
you Lord for this time and |
| 01:17:16 |
01:17:21 |
this time together and Lord, |
| 01:17:21 |
01:17:25 |
the reason and the purpose
for this documentary. |
| 01:17:25 |
01:17:28 |
Lord, I pray Lord
for all of those who |
| 01:17:28 |
01:17:31 |
are going through
addictions right now, |
| 01:17:31 |
01:17:35 |
whether it's because
of drugs or heroin |
| 01:17:35 |
01:17:40 |
or cocaine or crack or
prescription pills, |
| 01:17:40 |
01:17:43 |
whatever the addiction is, marijuana. |
| 01:17:43 |
01:17:47 |
Lord, please deliver them
from their addictions. |
| 01:17:47 |
01:17:51 |
I pray Lord that you will let
something that they see here, |
| 01:17:51 |
01:17:54 |
cause them pause to think, |
| 01:17:54 |
01:17:58 |
to rethink what they are
doing and let them know that, |
| 01:17:58 |
01:18:00 |
okay, there's another way, |
| 01:18:00 |
01:18:02 |
there's a better way. |
| 01:18:02 |
01:18:04 |
They might be hurting for one reason |
| 01:18:04 |
01:18:07 |
or another Lord, ease their pain. |
| 01:18:07 |
01:18:09 |
They might be going through
a difficult situation, |
| 01:18:09 |
01:18:11 |
whatever it is Lord,
see them through it, |
| 01:18:11 |
01:18:13 |
and let them know Lord that they are |
| 01:18:13 |
01:18:16 |
not just affecting their own lives, |
| 01:18:16 |
01:18:18 |
they are affecting
those who love them. |
| 01:18:18 |
01:18:25 |
And Lord, I pray Lord for those
people who are living with, |
| 01:18:25 |
01:18:28 |
or who are related to
people who are addicted. |
| 01:18:28 |
01:18:32 |
I pray Lord that you will
give them patience Lord, |
| 01:18:32 |
01:18:36 |
that you will give them
wisdom of what to do, |
| 01:18:36 |
01:18:39 |
and what not to do, and what to say, |
| 01:18:39 |
01:18:41 |
and what not to say,
and they will not be |
| 01:18:41 |
01:18:44 |
enablers for those who are addicted, |
| 01:18:44 |
01:18:49 |
even though they won't enable them
but they would still love them. |
| 01:18:49 |
01:18:54 |
And let them know Lord that
the person that is addicted, |
| 01:18:54 |
01:18:58 |
know that their loved
one really loves them |
| 01:18:58 |
01:19:02 |
and that they really want to see
and do what is best for them. |
| 01:19:02 |
01:19:06 |
I just thank You for this time Lord, |
| 01:19:06 |
01:19:09 |
I praise you and I bless You
in Jesus holy name, Amen. |
| 01:19:12 |
01:19:15 |
(soft piano music) |
| 01:19:15 |
01:19:19 |
>> Burton Barr Junior. |
| 01:19:21 |
01:19:24 |
(cheering and applause) |
| 01:19:28 |
01:19:32 |
(upbeat music) |
| 01:19:47 |
01:19:49 |
(crowd clapping) |
| 01:19:52 |
01:19:56 |
>> That concludes our
Honorary Doctorate of Divinity. |
| 01:19:59 |
01:20:01 |
(crowd claps) |
| 01:20:03 |
01:20:04 |
>> Will you please |
| 01:20:04 |
01:20:09 |
join me in congratulating
all of the graduates, |
| 01:20:09 |
01:20:12 |
for the year 2019? |
| 01:20:12 |
01:20:15 |
(crowd clapping) |